


Collared

by KQQM



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Reapers, Canon-Typical Violence, Dubious Consent, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lots of Cursing, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mutual Pining, Past Kaidan Alenko/Commander Shepard, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Welcome Back, absolutely shameless AU, also happy endings are usually the best endings, and snuggles, another few months to finish this, but i'm gunna do it, completely ignores all relevant ME plot line, default jane shepard, first few chapters it's talked about, happy ending because i'm a mushy man, it's gunna take like, just warning you, like red head freckled jane, lots of swearing, no biotics though, normandy is the SR2 version cause more space ya know, so hold onto your butts, there's some later fluff, they're dumb, uneasy allies to friends to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2018-03-30 04:31:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 40,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3923017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KQQM/pseuds/KQQM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Newly promoted Commander Vakarian is the head of the advanced turian ship, 'Normandy'. And, as tradition, he is expected to find a human and "break" it in. As goes, if you can tame a stubborn, spitfire, persistent alien you have proven your ability to do pretty much anything. Or at least show your ability to honor traditions, which is nearly as important. Vakarian himself is not sold on the idea but it would be a bad move on his part to just ignore an important rite.</p><p>There is hope however. After an incident in a back alley, a fiery human with an attitude to rival his own will provide him a possible out. Or give him a migraine to last him a lifetime.</p><p>Fic is mostly "idiot ex-soldier pisses off space bird" and Shepard being...well, Shepard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Much Needed Backstory

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter POV will change, just keep an eye on the title.
> 
> I am moving this week (on the 16th of May) and am also juggling work and school. Updates will not be as frequent as I would have liked. Also I will be out a laptop for 1-2 weeks for repairs. Thank you for your patience.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The background of this new Milky Way galaxy far different from the one we find in the beloved ME series. (updated to include new information as of 9-21-16 to help provide more backstory for the plot so I don't have to awkwardly shoehorn it in later and make things clunky.)

When the turians made the jump through the Local Cluster, the humans would be no match for their forces. There had been rumors of new alien technology but it yet to be researched and refined. Early attempts at peace were made but it would soon fall flat.

The turian's initial attempts to grasp human language failed. There were many different languages and even then, different variants for the same language. Turians could get one or two into a common tongue. But then they would find difficulty communicating with other humans. The lack in communication and panic amongst some spurred unrest. Violence erupted amongst small sectors of humans. Despite turian attempts to quell the rebellion the flame was already ignited.

Humanity put up a fair fight but they were no match for the military elitists of the galaxy. After a short war, the humans were squashed beneath the three-toed feet of the turians.

To add insult to injury, turians took to the sport of 'taming' the humans. It was, at first, an appalling notion. But soon, it became a way for the higher ups to prove their prowess in combat. If you're able to tame the most spit fire and primal of species then you can manage a ship. Then it became tradition as even government figures took to it.

It was no secret that humans were far less armoured than the turians. Casualties happened frequently. Some turians even savored the sport of breaking their human's spirit and body. Turians too cocky would find themselves victim to a human's quick reflexes and resourcefulness.

Despite being beaten and cowed, this would not be the end. Humans are a hardy species; spirited and persistent by nature. It is only a matter of time before one of them sparks another fire. This time, one the turians cannot contain.


	2. Alley Cat [Shepard]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything is bold is in a language that Shepard doesn't understand. Underlined words are Shepard speaking in German. Regular text is Shepard speaking in English.  
> [some updates as of 9-21-16 for continuity purposes + grammatical fixes]

Shepard missed home. She longed for the fresh air and blue skies of Earth. This hulking mass of space metal was not where she belonged, this was not her battlefield. How she got here was a different matter. The redhead had caught the attention of a few different military higher ups. Long story short, that had  _not_  been the most pleasant experience. Good news for her, the turian she had been "gifted" to had been sloppy. That had given Shepard just enough room to escape his ship. From there she fled into the bowels of this sprawling space station. A well timed punch had also helped.

Shepard didn't know where this place was or what it was called. All the script and language was far from her own tongue. Humans lacked translators. Their languages too diverse, Earth yet to find a core common language. Too much going on between nations to cement anything. There had been translators at home but humans hadn't wanted to give in. Stubborn by nature, it had been their downfall.

But even a translator would be useless. Without programming in her native tongue or second tongue it was just garbage. To her chagrin, all translators from early attempts at turian communication were long gone. But, in the slums of the hulking space city she would be safe among the other outcasts, or at least safe enough.

 

* * *

 

It had been what Shepard had assumed to be a week since she'd escaped the claws of her captors. She had armed herself well, won a pistol off of some drunkard of a species unknown. Also a few knives collected here and there and clothes that fit. It was not armor but it was better than the rags she had had and was more fitting to her body to allow more movement.

It was not optimal but it would make do. Anything to give her an edge.

 

* * *

 

Surviving here is rough but at least her native tongue sounds threatening to most. Shepard laughed at the thought. The stereotype of how mean and grumpy Germans were was finally paying off. Silently she thanked her grandmother for the fire she gave down to her grandchild.  _Yell enough German words at people while holding a gun to their temple. You'll get your way for sure._  Shepard chuckled at her own joke. A voice from the alley spooked her out of her thoughts.  _Fuck_ **.**

" **What are you laughing about, human? Something funny?** " Shepard knew those dual vocal chords anywhere. Spinning on her heel, she locks eyes with a turian. Ugly bastard he was with teal face paint took up pretty much his whole dumb bird face. This wasn't good. She looked around even though she knew that there was no back routes through the winding alleys of the slums.

"What do you want ya big oaf?!" Shepard growled, narrowing her eyes at the taller beast.

" **'ey Vakarian! Arterius! Come look at this mutt!** " The thing yelled and Shepard growled again, her hands reaching toward her firearm on her side. If she could just--

" **What is it Pallin? Another stray vorcha?** " Another voice called out. Shepard immediately tracked the voice to a taller beast. It's  striking blue markings on his ugly bird face took less real estate. Shepard lets out a growl at him too. Two against one, not good, not good at _all_. Growling and threatening words may not be enough here.

" **What is going on?** " Third voice means business. Shepard whips out her sidearm and levels it a the first turian's ugly face.

" **Look! It's got a little toy, how cute!** " The first turian jeers, showing off his teeth.

 _Fuck that guy._ Shepard shoots.

There's a howl and the second turian rushes to his side while the third, bare faced one comes full on at her. But before she can even fire at him he's on her, growling and grabbing. Shepard tries to claw at him and kick, anything to give her the edge to get out of her. Despite her attempts the turian snaps her shooting wrist like a twig. With one fluid motion he then slams her head into the wall behind her. Just like that Shepard is out cold.

 

* * *

 

When Shepard wakes her whole body aches. She feels like she got mauled by a dinosaur. And  _oh--_

The second turian with no face markings is on all fours on top of her, staring down at her. As her consciousness comes back to her Shepard realizes she's naked and... 

Oh  _FUCK_  this guy.

She lets out a blood curdling scream. Shepard tries to move to punch him but finds that she's tied down. A sharp pain rips through her wrist. Her scream warps into a garbled cry and tears spring to her eyes. And that bastard turian...what is that sound? Laughing?

" **Stupid fucking piece of trash,** " his voice is a deep growl as he puts a three-fingered hand around her neck. He squeezes until Shepard almost blacks out, spots dotting her vision. When he releases his grip she spits at him.

"Cunt," she snarls but the pointy faced bastard only laughs. There's a knock on a door somewhere. The turian yells before rendering Shepard unconscious again with another blow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small note here: Shepard is (obviously) aware of what turians are called but prefers her "insults"


	3. Communication [Garrus]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bolded words are Shepard's German, underlined is her English; neither are languages he knows.  
> [some updates as of 9-21-16 for continuity purposes + grammatical fixes]

The incident in the alley was scary. Pallin had cornered one of those humans and was teasing it. Did he not remember anything about these aliens? Garrus knew he wanted nothing more than to help but Pallin could be condescending. And humans could be surprisingly dangerous. He needed to be cautious.

Once Saren and him got to the scene, Garrus' blood ran cold. This human looked so much different than all the other washed out faces among the squalor. He was a assuming a woman given the lack of face scruff and vague chest bumps. They had been pretty close to asari in body shape. And Spirits, she was stunning in her own right. Brilliant green eyes, flaming red fringe, and tanned skin. There was scars on their face, dirt smudged here and there, and what looked like Asari clothing. Every instinct of Garrus; screamed that she was a threat.

It only made him feel more unnerved when the thing drew out a side arm. How the  _hell_ it had managed to find something of such high quality was beyond him. Pallin must've been stupid to not notice the quality of the weapon. In a jeering tone he teased the creature about it.

Then the shot rings out. 

Garrus instantly moved to his comrade's side, not hesitating to do what he can. There's blue blood splattered all over Pallin's armor. His subharmonics are warbling with pain. The little creature had to have some military experience because it had hit home. It had torn through Pallin's eye and--

Garrus cut his train of thought off and looked up to where Saren now held the limp creature under an arm. He looked...proud. Garrus needed to get Pallin medical attention immediately. There was no time to deal with whatever mess Saren was making. He didn't have time to argue when Saren strode off with the human under his arm; Pallin came first.

 

* * *

 

"What the hell Saren? You grabbed that poor thing and have been holed up here all day. And--" Garrus cuts off when he finally realizes Saren's nudity. A deep growl rips through his throat. Before he knows what he's doing his hand is around Saren's neck. "It's bad enough that you've disobeyed orders since the last mission but this is crossing a line."

Saren only laughs. "You're just jealous cause you didn't get to her first. I'll have you know she was  _sooooo_ warm and tight and wet. You're just jealous that you couldn't get a slice of it before--"

Garrus pulls out a pistol and levels it to the other turian's face. "Shut up! I am the Normandy's commander now and I'm claiming this human as mine. You got your sorry ass demoted so you have no claim."

Saren narrows his eyes but doesn't move to retaliate when Garrus frees him. The turian simply shrugs. "Whatever you say,  _Captain_."

Garrus ignores the comment and moves to the bed where the human is out cold. She was bloodied, bruised, and looked like she'd gone through the Omega-4 Relay. Garrus murmured curses under his breath as he untied the limp human figure. Thank the Spirits, it looked like the alien was still breathing. For a moment, he hesitated. Garrus didn't want to take a human. That in itself was a bad idea. But he would  _NOT_ leave her to Saren. He'd rather eat his own fringe.

Using the most delicate of movements Garrus scooped the human up into his arms. She was so exposed and it made him uncomfortable, all those bruises and the knowledge of what Saren had done. Garrus felt sick. He didn't want to use one of the offending turian's blankets to cover her. Instead he did his best to hold her in a way that didn't reveal too much. 

"Oh, don't bother coming back aboard the Normandy," Garrus didn't stop. No need to. He held the human in his arms and moved through the door. Saren didn't bother fighting or making a quip. Thank the Spirits for the little things.

 

* * *

 

As it turns out bringing a beat up, naked human onto the ship as the newly minted commander was not  _nothing_. How Garrus could be so stupid as to forget the implications made him groan. There were cheers and whoops as he came aboard, cradling his prize. The reactions made his stomach churn but he only smiled. He wore the façade of actually feeling proud of his "catch". Last thing he wanted to be was demoted because he was a  _sympathizer_. He needed the respect of his new crew more than anything.

The cheers followed him up to his quarters and it only made him feel sicker.

All the things his crew thought he did.

They were proud.

The thought was jarring.

Expected, but still jarring.

It was nice when he got up to his rooms where it was much quieter. The human had started to wake and Garrus moved as quick as he could to put the little creature down on his bed. It couldn't be too comfortable for the human but it was  better than what she had before.

Then Garrus backed way the fuck up. This little beast had wounded Pallin and recovery was still uncertain. He couldn't be angry with her, especially not after what Saren did. Garrus shuddered.

The human woke up and immediately jolted up in the bed. She let out a growl at the broken wrist then leveled eyes with Garrus. His blood ran cold, the malice in her eyes was overpowering. 

 _No_ , he wasn't going to let her think he was the enemy. Making sure to not make sudden movements, he backed up another few steps. Then reached for the visible pistol on his hip, careful to not spook her. The human crouched lower, curling up into herself. Almost as though to dodge out of the way if needed. She never dropped eye contact though, so Garrus maintained that. He did not dare to back down. He took the pistol then, setting it down on the ground. The human made a face, something of confusion or fear? Garrus was uncertain. He was terrible at reading humans' weird facial expressions. He had no real experience with it. Then, in what Garrus  _hoped_  would mean surrender, put his hands in the air.

" **What the fuck is this?** " The human let out a guttural string of sounds and Garrus assumed it was a language of sorts. Sounded almost like his own language but  not his own.

Garrus did not move when the human unfurled itself and stepped off the bed. It swayed and looked like it was going to collapse. Garrus wanted nothing to help but he knew better. With the language barrier and stereotypes it would not end well. Instead he just watched as the human regained balance. She let out a string of guttural sounds under it's breath.

" **You just going to fucking stand there? What is this? You scared?** " The human was trying to rile him up, talking loud and trying to make herself look menacing. Garrus didn't flinch and only kept his eyes on the creature. She strode up to him, snatched the pistol off the ground. With a hiss she dropped it. But she recovered, grabbing with her other hand instead. She took a few steps back and glared at him again. Spirits she was not giving up. Garrus couldn't help but be impressed.

"What are you doing? Aren't you going to stop me? Ask me what I'm doing? Going to say anything? Fuck, maybe your stupid translator can pick this up," the words were softer. A different language or a different tone he couldn't be certain. She fumbled with the gun and Garrus prayed she wouldn't shoot by mistake. 

From the looks of it Saren had broken it. And by the way she waved his gun around like it was a wet towel, she wasn't practiced enough with her other limb. But that language she was speaking now, softer, gentler, Garrus didn't know what to do. Should he say something? He could see the threat of tears in the human's eyes.

"I don't want to hurt you," Garrus said softly. He was doing his best to hide teeth and even using his own subharmonics to try to relay the message. Chances are humans couldn't hear the lower frequency. And even if they did, would they know how to interpret it? Garrus didn't know.

"Shit, even if your translator picks this up then I can't understand you. Fuck!" The human was upset at something as the last word (or was that more than a word?) was harsh and Garrus saw her trying to blink away tears.

Garrus lowered his arms. They had starting to ache something fierce. He watched as the human eyed him suspiciously. She was right to not trust so fast. Follow the survival instincts.

Time to try something _fucking insane_.

He put his hand to his breastplate and said his name, slowly so she could keep up. 

"Garrus. I'm, Ga-r-rus."

The human gave him a confused look for a moment before pointing the pistol at him and narrowing her eyes. "Gourous?" 

"Gaa-r-rus," he repeated. He was trying not feel anxious about the pistol waving madwoman in front of him. Best not to lose his life to a panicked alien.

"Garrous," the human tried again, trying to form the words. She tried a few more times before she got it. 

"Garrus."

The turian nodded at this one and the human sighed. She set the pistol down before putting her hand over her chest, mimicking the motion he had made.

"Shepard. She-p-ard," the human tried, speaking clearly for him as well. 

"Shepard," it was a simple enough sounding name and the human--Shepard--nodded back. 

Then, Garrus extended his hand as an inquiry for a handshake. He had seen many different species do this gesture and he hoped it translated. Shepard stared at his hand, up at his face, then down at his hand again before taking it.

"What does this mean then? Garrus, what does this mean?" Shepard was saying something, his name in there as she shook his hand. A firm, almost military grasp.

"Wish I knew what you were saying, Shepard," Garrus hoped her name would translate over. Then, Shepard dropped his hand and let out a sound. It was light and sounded...nice. A laugh? Maybe something sinister. Garrus raised a brow plate as he took her in.

After the sound ceased Shepard finally took full stock of her injuries and nudity. The latter didn't seem to bother her but those nasty injuries would need to be dealt with. Garrus moved slowly to his desk. He was hyper aware of Shepard's eyes tracking him. One wrong move and he could be done for. He grabbed some of the medigel that he kept aside. Now, how was he going to approach her? Spirits, he hoped he wouldn't get punched or something.


	4. Home Alone [Shepard]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anything is bold is in a language that Shepard doesn't understand. Underlined words are Shepard speaking in German. Regular text is Shepard speaking in English or are words she understands.
> 
> [some updates as of 9-21-16, simple grammatical + flow fixes]

Shepard woke once again in a strange bed. She had to figure out how to  **not** do that. She was in a room with one of the bird-monsters from the alley. The one that had rushed to his friend's side when she fired. 

Then the beast moved, placing down his gun and putting his arms up in what looked like surrender. 

"What the fuck is this?" Shepard growled, taking in the situation with unease. The bird thing didn't move and Shepard took this chance to see how it'd react to her getting closer. It didn't move and it was  fucking frustrating. What did this asshole want?!

"You just going to fucking stand there? What is this? You scared?" Shepard took steps forward til she was standing right in front of the tall beast. Shepard knew she'd always been short but this bird monster made her feel tiny. She snatched the pistol before stepping back before the thing could change it's mind.

"What are you doing? Aren't you going to stop me? Ask me what I'm doing? Going to say anything? Fuck, maybe your stupid translator can pick this up," there was no hope. She knew she was talking to herself. But it felt weird just standing here, staring down an alien stark naked. Hell, she was beyond sore and just wanted to sleep but that wasn't an option right now. Every inch of her screamed in agony but this other bird-monster had to be figured out.

" **I don't want to hurt you,** " the beast spoke in a language that Shepard, of course, didn't know. Trying to figure this dickbag out was going to give her a headache.

"Shit, even if your translator picks this up then I can't understand you. Fuck!" Shepard was so stupid, even if this was a one-sided conversation she had no idea what  **he--** was it a he? she maybe? fuck whatever--was trying to say to her. Also didn't help that tears were starting to sting at her eyes. The pain was overwhelming at this point. Aches in her joints, down where she had been violated, her head, _**everything**_.

Then the giant bird tried telling her it's name. The sound was so...well, alien. And she tried pronouncing the new words before finally getting it right. Turns out nodding is a universal thing. Who would've thunk? 

Garrus, giant ugly bird lizard.

Great.

His eyes met hers, most likely expecting Shepard to introduce herself. She sighed deeply. Shepard set the pistol down before putting her hand over her heart, or at least above her boob. Although he wouldn't know shit about the meaning if she groped herself. He looked almost like turtle with all the armor and his weird ugly face. Shepard resisted the desire to chuckle. 

"Shepard. She-p-ard," she said, keeping her eyes level with the bird.

"Shepard," he parroted back. Fucking hell this asshole was smart.

"What does this mean then? Garrus, what does this mean?" She asked, feeling confused and helpless. She didn't like being so out of control and she sure as shit didn't enjoy talking to dinosaur birds. This is not what she signed up for.

" **Wish I knew what you were saying,** Shepard," then she lost it. The sound of her name muddled up in his weird language was just the funniest thing ever. Bird man--Garrus--looked confused as all hell. But god she couldn't help it.

After her bout of laughter she finally calmed down and assessed the damage. Shepard didn't know how she was standing. Also, that previous ugly bird must've shoved a frigate up her lady parts. She was so damn sore. Not to mention the bruising, broken wrist, scrapes, cuts, etc.. 

Garrus was stepping forward with something in his hand. Shepard was tired. He didn't seem to intent on killing, maiming, or raping her. She was on his turf. She prayed he'd be quick about this shit.

Garrus looked scared and that was fucking hilarious. The big predatory bird was scared of lil ol' Shepard. 

_**Good.** _

"You're fine," Shepard put her hands up in a mock of the surrender pose Garrus gave earlier. The reptile beast thing seemed appeased and stepped forward. Shepard put down her right hand because of her wrist. Garrus took that first, and smeared some of the goop. It tingled in a weird way before the pain instantly stopped. Well for the most part. Shepard relaxed her body as the bird did his weird, magic medicine stuff. It reminded her of the stuff from home, but more immediate. She relaxed as the aches of the past few days faded.

When he stepped away she blinked, uncertain of what to do. He made a motion with his hand but Shepard didn't know what it meant. So, she covered herself with a blanket and curled up in the bed. It was much comfier than the one before.

 

* * *

 

Shepard woke later with the bird sitting up at his desk. It took a moment to reel in her instinctive panic. She got herself together and remembered this wasn't the same dickbag bird man as last time. 

There was a glass of watered a few weird looking medications. Probably water. At least she hoped it was. If he killed her she'd haunt his ugly ass.

"Garrus?" Shepard called out. The alien looked up from his work and tilted his head.

"Shepard," he acknowledged. Shit, how was she going to convey this? 

"Uh," Shepard looked down at the water and back at him with a bewildered look before pointing to herself. Garrus nodded and watched as she gulped down the water and meds. Garrus then stood and Shepard stiffened, uncertain. He showed his palms to her in surrender and she eased.  _Maybe if he's going to be so nice I don't have to go back to the slums._ Shepard thought absently as Garrus dropped some odd clothing onto her bed. Garrus pointed to the clothes, then her, and nodded. Shepard repeated the action: pointed to the clothes, then to herself, and looked up at him. Garrus nodded and turned around as if to give her privacy. 

 _Wow, how nice of_ _him_. Shepard thought sarcastically as she picked up the odd fabrics. They were his. That much was obvious. They didn't look like they'd fit her exactly. But shit, it was better than being naked around a strange alien. 

And Shepard had been right, the clothes were a little baggy and long but it at least kept her dignity intact.

There was then a knock on the door of the room and Shepard immediately ducked into hiding. She didn't trust Garrus yet and was sure as shit not ready to face another alien.

The bird creatures were speaking.  Shepard didn't care to try and hear them. They understood as much of her language as she did theirs. And that was a total of jack fucking squat. 

Once the conversation ceased Shepard eased out of hiding. Garrus stepped over to her, looking uncertain.

" **Stay** ," he said, pointing to the ground.

"What?" She asked, looking confused.

" **You** " Garrus points at Shepard " **stay** " he points to the ground again " **here** " he motions to the room around him.  **"I"**  he gestures to himself  **"go"**  he gestures to outside the room.

Oh!

Shepard nods and Garrus looked relived.

" **I** " Shepard started  **"stay here"**  the words felt odd on her tongue. They were obviously not meant for the soft human tongue. But Garrus gave her what she hoped was a smile and nodded.

" **Good** Shepard," Garrus said before leaving the room. The door swooshed shut behind him and the panel on it turned red.

But now what the hell was Shepard going to do?


	5. Recon [Garrus]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bolded words are Shepard's German, underlined is her English; neither are languages he knows.

Garrus was thankful he was making some ground with the human. But he was prepared if it was nothing more than a ruse. 

A knock interrupted his train of thought. He moved to the door to find Nihlus. Nihlus was a good turian, his XO, and closest friend. The blank expression on his face made Garrus uncomfortable as all hell.

"Yes?" Garrus wasn't used to his friend looking at him like that and it was disconcerting. 

"How's the new pet?" Nihlus sneered, his mask breaking and his disgust showing through. "I thought you were better than that Garrus."

"I am! Nihlus, have you seen Saren?"

"I figured you got sick of his shit," Nihlus looked unconvinced.

"Pallin was the one find her and he was teasing her and so the human shot in defence. Saren, using Pallin's injuries as a distraction snagged the human up. I couldn't just leave Pallin behind! I later found Saren and that...human and I just couldn't...I couldn't leave Shepard there. I couldn't just let him have his ways with her. I brought her straight back to the ship because of her," Garrus said, exasperated. Nihlus narrowed his eyes at his commander.

"You named it?" He asked incredulity. 

" **Her**. I asked for her name. I'll introduce you later. Right now I need to make sure she fits into her new clothes and that she knows she needs to stay here."

"Fair enough. Listen though, we've got a mission so hurry up," Nihlus was still uncertain. He didn't look disgusted, so it was something.. He hoped his friend didn't believe that he'd hurt the little creature. Especially after the vow they had made as kids.

 

* * *

 

There was a small outpost that needed supplies brought every once in awhile. The ship that was supposed to make it the science base had mechanical errors. They were unable to reach the destination and radioed for help. Garrus' ship was the closest so it picked up the transmission. Nihlus has accepted the call and mission since Garrus was indisposed.

 It was simple enough, get to the moon where the base is, drop of the supplies, then return to Palaven. But Of course a band of pirates had to get in the way. They had tried and claim the turian outpost as their own. The small band of turian scientists that ran the tiny outpost were cornered. Despite the military training of most turians, not all turians were good at it.

It was just Nihlus and Garrus on the ground for the mission. Saren had been fired and Pallin was incapacitated by the bullet through his eye. 

It turned out it wasn't too bad, Nihlus took front with his shotgun and Garrus covered with his rifle. 

After the bloodshed Garrus met his XO where he was prodding at one of the dead pirates.

"That all of 'em?" Garrus asked, looking around for visual confirmation.

"Looks like it. Also looks like one of em got you," he pointed out.  Sure enough, the softer part of Garrus' armor had blotches of blue blood.

"I'll be fine, get back to my quarters and bandage it up. Looks like the built-in armour medi gel is already doing it's work. Didn't feel a thing," Garrus followed his sentence with a shrug. The movement only causing a dull ache in his shoulder.

Nihlus makes a tsking sound before gesturing for Garrus to start scanning the base. Garrus found the scientists huddled up behind a barricaded door. Pistols gripped in their talons and uncertain expressions. Nihlus signaled that the base was clear from the other end of the encampment.  Garrus relayed the information to the researchers. He helped clean up the mess the pirates had made as well as drop off the supplies.

 

* * *

 

Once back on the ship NIhlus elbowed him.

"You should introduce me to your little pet that you've got in there. She's going to need more than just one ally on the ship," Nihlus pointed out. "Also, she hasn't seen my face before."

"Fair enough. Although I take no responsibility if she punches you in the face," Garrus retorts. He removed his helmet and rolled his shoulders. Nihlus was too stubborn to be told no to something so 'exciting'.  And Garrus didn't blame him for wanting to verify his story.

 

* * *

 

When the door whooshed open and Shepard bolted. The space under his bed was just big enough for her to squeeze under.

"She's almost like a varren!" Nihlus teased, punching Garrus lightly on the shoulder.

"She's a little nervous about this whole thing still Nihlus. Lemme see if I can get her out," Garrus said, moving over to the bed. He could heard Shepard's panicked breathing and felt a bit bad.

"Shepard," he said softly, getting down on his hands and knees. Peeking underneath the bed he locked eyes with the fiery little human. 

"Come out please Shepard." Garrus said, extending his hand which was still gloved, hiding his talons.

" **Who the fuck is that** Garrus?" The human growled and Garrus heard his name among the harsh sounding language.

"Please Shepard," he wiggled his hand and Shepard eyed it, as though trying to gauge what was going on. There was a tense silence before Shepard let out a huff and rolled out from under the bed. Garrus stood up and locked eyes with the troublemaker.

" **If this is a trap I'm going to murder you in your sleep** Garrus," Shepard said flatly. Her emerald eyes pierced right through Garrus.

The both of them had forgotten about Nihlus. He was standing further away, but moving slowly. He was smart enough to hold his hands in the surrender position.  Shepard crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow at the turian. Nihlus stopped a good few meters away from the human and dropped his arms.

"You?" Both turians started. Garrus was surprised she had remembered anything from their quick lesson earlier. Nihlus recovered though and put his hand flat against his chest.

"Nih-lis. Nihlus," he said slowly and Shepard made a little movement with her mouth.

"Nihles," Shepard said, looking a little confused at the strange symbols on her tongue. 

"Nih _lus_ ," the white-painted turian repeated.

"Nihlus," Shepard looked a little more convinced. She pointed to the turian that stood at the other side of the bed. "Garrus." Then to the one in front of her "Nihlus." Then to herself. "Shepard."

"Yes," NIhlus said, nodding. Then he extended his hand to her and Shepard unfurled her arms and shook it firmly. Satisfied, Nihlus turned to his commander and nodded.

"I got things to do. glad you found one that's got enough spunk to keep you in line," Nihlus grinned. His mandibles flared out in a teasing friendly gesture and Garrus shook his head.

Nihlus excused himself from the room  and Shepard visibly relaxed. Garrus was glad that at least she was somewhat comfortable around him. He starting stipping out of his armor but found Shepard staring at him. Specifically his wound. 

His arm, he'd forgot. Shepard clicked her tongue and ventured to his deck. Garrus didn't even bother stopping her. Instead he got the chestplate off, allowing him to further investigate the wound. 

It wasn't major but the bullet had certainly got in there. He wasn't sure if he could pry it out himself. He'd have to call Nihlus up again. Damn.

Shepard returned with medical supplies in her arms. Garrus flared his mandibles but didn't say anything. She motioned with her head toward the couch and Garrus got the idea of what she was asking. He was a little nervous letting Shepard, patch him up. It was nerve wracking letting someone he barely knew touch him like this. Especially since she couldn't communicate. But he curious how much this human knew. Garrus was starting to wonder if she was ex-military.

When he managed to get settled on the sofa, Shepard sat next to him her focus immediately going to the wound. She started by wiping down the wound with anesthetic then pulling the tweezers. It took her one fluid motion  to free the bullet from his arm. It hurt and Garrus did his best not to move. Instead he let out a series of growls and rumbles. Hopefully it didn't freak  Shepard out. She didn't falter at all.

When she pulled the remains of the shell of the bullet his wound immediately felt less painful and more sore. Next was the medigel and bandages. Once she was done Shepard patted his forearm before excusing herself.

Garrus immediately got up and went to the bathroom. She certainly had done well on patching the wound up. Her dressings were definitely military looking. The feeling that he was housing an ex-soldier was starting to settle in his gut.

Oh, Spirits this couldn't be good.


	6. Falcon Punch [Shepard]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This has gotten so much attention! Wow, 500 hits & 33 kudos. Glad you guys are liking it thus far! It gets a little more exciting, don't worry!
> 
> Anything is bold is in a language that Shepard doesn't understand. Underlined words are Shepard speaking in German. Regular text is Shepard speaking in English or are words she understands.

Shepard was going to die of boredom rather than by the claws of a bird alien beast. Garrus was gone and she was locked in a room on a ship where she wasn't welcome. She started by poking around in Garrus' stuff. If her military training had taught her anything, it was that it was always good to know your enemy. Although Garrus wasn't  **technically** her enemy everything considered, he was still not a friend. Ally perhaps but an uncertain ally.

Most of the writing she found wasn't even in a Latin looking alphabet. Big fucking surprise. It looked more like a mix of old runic writing and something far different.

How was she going to teach herself this language?

Earth technology hadn't reached the level of these extraterrestrial lizards. But Shepard found it wasn't too hard to catch on. This was like any computer at home or at work but just a touch little different. The lack of German or English interfaces did bring up some issues. 

There was no way she could actually ready any of this shit.

Perhaps there was some audio or something? Just, anything to glean an idea of what was going on around her.

Fucking, she'd take cheap alien porno if it helped her learn this language.

 

* * *

 

After flailing around for an hour, Shepard managed to find something. Video archives or something of that nature. Thumbnails were helpful. Shepard silently thanked the gods that vision transcended all spoken and written tongues.

It didn't take long for Shepard to find video archives that seemed like they were meant for children. And it didn't take a stretch to find subtitles. Some awkward feeling around perhaps but she got it figured out. Maybe she could startle Garrus into an early grave and commandeer his ship. Shepard snorted at the idea.

 

* * *

 

Nihlus seemed like another person that she could have a somewhat arguable ally-ship with. Although Shepard was still grumpy with Garrus. He not only brought up a new friend but he was also a goddamn idiot!

He had a bullet in what Shepard could only imagine was his fucking SHOULDER. She helped patch him up, a stoke of luck that she found what she was looking for. More visual aids helped her out.

Was this alien mad or just stupid!?

Shepard shook her head and closed out of the computer before Garrus noticed what she was doing. He had enough upperhand that he could make another arm with it. Shepard deserved a little bit of something. She'd been a goddamn commander for crying out loud.

Her wounds still stung, the whole situation at home had been garbage. Shepard bitterly pushed the memories back in a locked box in the back of her mind. There would be plenty of time to brood over the incompetence of her military. Especially since it ended up with her stuck here.

God, she was so frustrated. She didn't know anything. Couldn't understand her captor, didn't know where in the blazes she was going to end up. It all fucking sucked.

Shepard couldn't help it, she punched right through the desk.

Garrus walked out of the bathroom just in time to see her with a fist through his desk.

Well shit.

 

* * *

 

She fucking deserved this. She had punched his desk like a two year old. But being handcuffed to the bed of an alien species proved far more entertaining. Her captor was making faces at the desk like it might somehow fix itself.

Shepard watched Garrus with interest. How the tall bird raptor moved with a grace that startled her. He was an apex predator if she'd ever seen one.

"Garrus!" She huffed, kicking her feet against the wall that was  **just** in range.

The alien only looked up in frustration, obviously not pleased with Shepard's little meltdown. He was trying to ignore her AND glare her out of existence.

"Garrrruuuusss~" Shepard sang, ringing out the notes in a mock of a bird warble. The alien only resumed his staredown with the desk.

"Oi! Fuck head!" Shepard tried. Garrus did something with his face that reminded Shepard of an ant.

So he was a bug, bird, space lizard. That was enough to give Frankenstein's monster a run for its money. 

What was that one sentence the lady in the vid said? Fuck, Shepard sucked in a breath before letting out a sentence of what sounded like garbage out. 

That definitely got Garrus' attention. Shepard would be surprised if he hadn't gotten whiplash from looking up that fast. Shepard gave him a smile, big and wide, making sure to show off her teeth.

Garrus growled and stalked over to the human. Definitely something predatory about his whole demeanor. 

Shit, maybe pissing him off wasn't such a great idea. Had been fun while it lasted. Shepard could see her gravestone now (if she ever got one). "Idiot ex-soldier pisses off space bird." 

Perfect.

"Shepard, I  **didn't teach you that what even was that?** " Garrus spoke too fast. Way faster than the lady in the vids and it made Shepard's head spin a little. Garrus was still staring her down. So, Shepard gave the only answer she could: a shrug.

"You are a **huge pain in**  my **ass** Shepard," he growled. If Shepard listened carefully she could pick up what she thought were intelligible words. One question that was bothering her pressed itself against the forefront of Shepard's mind.

"I human," Shepard wasn't sure if that got across to him. It did seem to make him reconsider where this conversation was going.

" **Turian,** " was Garrus' answer. Shepard mulled it over, trying to imagine her tongue forming those syllables.

"Garrus, turian," Shepard asked, looking up at him with confusion.

"Shepard, human," he responded and Shepard smiled. 

" **We** ," Garrus made a gesture pointing to both him and Shepard. The word was unfamiliar and she was trying to figure this one out. Us? We? It was referring to the two of them, although Shepard wasn't certain exactly how. The logistics weren't important because Garrus had more to say. 

" **Go**." Garrus made a gesture toward the door, like the one he made when he was leaving. 

" **Palaven.** " That last one didn't have a gesture. Instead Garrus pulled up a hologram of a planet up on his wrist computer thing. It was fascinating. Humans did not have the best technology at home. Fallout and wars had stunted development of non-weapon, non-essential technologies. Turian bastards didn't help.

Shepard moved to gesture but the handcuffs. She did her best to make a puppy face at the bird alien while jiggling the metal. 

" **I'll unlock** you **if** you **promise not to punch things,** " Garrus said. Shepard only nodded, hoping that it was her ticket out. Garrus powered down his wrist computer and unlocked the cuffs. As soon as her hands were free Shepard stretched her hands and shook out her wrists. Handcuffs were always her least favorite thing.

Back to their conversation though.

"Go?" Shepard asked, pointing to Garrus' wrist where the computer had been. 

"Yes." Garrus confirmed. "We go  **to** Palaven." Garrus made the gestures from before, this time more fluid.  There was one unfamiliar word but it didn't surprise her, this language was going to take time to get used to.

"Home," Shepard said under her breath and Garrus flared his mandibles again. She imagined it was the equivalent of her eyebrows. He was...lacking those.

"You," making sure to say it in his language while pointing to him. "Home." She said in English, pointing to the planet picture. "Palaven you home." The mix of English and the turian language was weird. Shepard noted to stop doing that immediately. It felt...wrong.

" **Home** ," Garrus repeated, in his own language this time. "Palaven  **home for** Garrus."

"Shepard wants to go home, **"**  Shepard said under her breath. This time in her comforting German tongue. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes but she fought them down. Garrus shifted uncomfortably in front of her, uncertain what to do in this situation. 

She wouldn't get to go home, there wasn't even anything left to go home to. Her fiancée had destroyed her. A nasty breakup and a nasty confrontation. He left her stuff on the front fucking lawn with a sticky note. Shepard still didn't care that she was overblown in her reaction. He deserved it. Then military traded her over the a fucking alien ship for a treaty. Discharged at that, told that there was no place for her. All over that  **one**  fucking incident, they had wanted to get rid of her. Well fuck them. Being passed around like a hot potato wasn't her idea of a fun time either.

Tears rolled down her cheeks as the reality of her situation sunk in. Shepard couldn't hold it in much longer without feeling like she was going to burst.

  _Home_. 

Shepard had no one but Shepard, and she was going to some alien's home planet as a pet. She hoped Garrus had enough of a soft spot for her enough to not abandon her to another turian. A choked sob escaped her lips against her will and she hung her head as tears flowed freely. God, she had fucked up so bad.

"Shepard," Garrus murmured, his voice almost soothing. He sounded upset and Shepard couldn't even say anything between sobs. A taloned hand rested on her shoulder and she didn't budge, didn't flinch. 

"Shepard." He said again, softer. He was pitying her, and frankly that was fine right now. The only person in the galaxy that wanted to care was someone she couldn't talk to. She didn't know his intentions. That's fine, it was better than being alone. That's what she told herself at least.

Shepard heard a shift in the turian's stance. Then with one fluid movement she was pulled into his grasp like a small child. The crying turned into weeping as Garrus, an alien from a strange unknown planet, held her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fixed this up because toward the end I forgot about the handcuffs!


	7. Comfort [Garrus]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bolded words are Shepard's German, underlined is her English; neither are languages he knows.

After her meltdown Shepard almost looked...sheepish. Garrus could definitely feel the military vibes radiating off of her. Not wanting to show weakness, first-aid training, emotional distance. It was all the stuff Garrus was taught in boot camp. 

He let her have some privacy while he went to get rations for the both of them. From what research Garrus had done, most humans could eat turian food. But it didn't do a whole lot for them. They had a different set of proteins so they'd need a different kind of diet. 

Garrus made a mental note about that. As soon as they were settled back at home he'd make sure to stock up on foods that Shepard would enjoy.

It was weird how comfortable he was getting around Shepard. There was just something about her that transcended their language barrier. Garrus wondered what it would like if she were turian, would they get along?

 

* * *

 

"Shepard! I brought dinner," Garrus called out as he entered his cabin. Shepard peeked up from underneath the nest of blankets she'd made on the bed. It was _precious_ how much she reminded him of a varren.

"Dinner!" Shepard chirped back and Garrus gave her a turian smile. It was nice having her company. She was an exotic being with a personality that just...

Garrus shook his thoughts away and brought the trays of food to the bed. He handed one to Shepard and settled down next to her with his own tray. 

" **This shit is so weird looking,** " she piped up. Garrus couldn't get over that this tiny alien spoke two languages. They even sounded so different. He took the first bite of his dinner while watching Shepard glare at hers. 

 _Wonder what her food looks like. She doesn't even have sharp teeth, what even_ would  _she be able to eat?_

What also shocked Garrus was how easily they fell into routine. More so how comfortable things felt. Sure there was some bumps (and a fucking hole in his desk) but Shepard just accepted things. 

Eventually she would need to learn the language. He'd even love to learn her languages one day. But right now they  **could** communicate and that was just so wonderful. And also there wasn't any murder being attempted. This was a good start.

 

* * *

 

"Garrus," Shepard called from the bed and Garrus looked up from his desk.

"Shepard?" Garrus asked but it was a stupid reply. There was only one thing she wanted. 

"Bed," she chirped, patting the spot next to her. Garrus wasn't certain why she needed him in bed while she slept. Maybe it was her way of keeping an eye on the enemy. Maybe it was...

No that was a stupid thought.

Garrus stood up from his desk though and stripped out of his heavy plated armor. Shepard's face did that thing were it turned bright red. Garrus still had no idea what that meant. There was a lot of similarities between asari and humans. It wasn't like he was intimately acquainted with either though. Maybe if he cared enough about the squishy blue species he'd know more about Shepard. But he was a commander with no real interest in other species. He wasn't xenophobic or anything, just no actual desire in things other than his culture. Plus he wasn't like his father. Garrus worked on a spaceship surrounded by other turians not in C-Sec.

"Why?" Garrus asked as he laid in bed next to Shepard. The human was quick to nestle in next to him, soft limbs wrapping around his. It pretty much confined him to the bed until she was rested. He should've asked her days ago why she wanted him in bed with her. Garrus was getting careless.  The first night and second nights were both kind of accidents. But now that they'd been doing this for almost five days Garrus couldn't help but be curious. 

" **So I can keep an eye on you, also you're warm,** " Shepard said after a moment of silence. She didn't know how to translate her thoughts so she spoke in the more guttural of her two languages. 

Spirits, Garrus really wanted to know more about this tiny ball of fire. Her motives were unknown to him and that made him mildly uncomfortable. But yet he was so fascinated with her. Garrus didn't like being in the dark none-the-less.  Even more so when it came to this tentative relationship with Shepard he was even less fond of it.

"Hmm?" Garrus wondered if he could get Shepard to try and translate what she was saying.

Peeking up from where she'd buried her face in his chestplate, Shepard considered him.

"Warm," she said, emerald eyes meeting his blue ones. Shepard did that thing where she bit her bottom lip and furrowed her brow. " **Hmm**." 

Then the tiny human wiggled out of the bed and grabbed something off one of the dinner trays. 

It was the water bottle.

Shepard climbed back onto the bed and pressed the cold bottle against his shoulder. He gave her an inquisitive look, looking for more explanation. She gave a toothy smile and pointed to the bottle, then to him, and shook her head.

Garrus knew she wasn't saying he wasn't metal or water so what was she trying to...

"Warm. I'm warm," Garrus stated. Obviously Shepard didn't catch onto what he was saying right away. 

He pointed to the bottle "cold" and then to himself "warm".

"Warm," Shepard mused as she put the water bottle back onto the floor. Spirits, teaching her turian was going to be a lot more difficult than he thought. Maybe he could pick some children's books or vids up for Shepard.

Once back up onto the bed Shepard pressed her hand to his chest. Garrus thought she had way too many fingers if he was honest.  He didn't see a point in having so many, especially without claws.

"Warm," Shepard said again and it clicked with Garrus. He ran hotter than her and while it maybe wasn't the only reason, Garrus could see why it would be a good excuse. 

Garrus nodded at Shepard, trying to reinforce that she was on the right track. She seemed content with her language lesson and curled back up against his chest and was out like a light. Was that a human or soldier thing? Garrus didn't need a whole lot of sleep and it was always odd to see Shepard sleep so much. As well as the fact that she'd not only fall asleep quickly but wake up almost as fast.

Another thing that fascinated him was her fiery fringe.  Whenever she would curl up next to him like this, her alien fringe would fall against his chest. It was so soft. Garrus had kept his hands to himself for the most part. But tonight Garrus couldn't help but reach out and take it in his hand. Shepard didn't move--probably out cold already--as he started running his fingers through it. 

Since it was so different from his own fringe, he assumed it was safe. He'd seen her run her fingers through it. Her hands would grab and pull it without her giving off pheromones. So, again, she didn't get turned on like how he would if she grabbed his fringe like that. He quickly quelled that thought.

If it was an erogenous zone it was a weak one.

Garrus was pulled back to reality by the sudden realization that his bedmate was...purring? It was something that almost sounded like sub-harmonics.

" **Don't stop. I haven't had someone play with my hair like that in ages,** " Shepard grumbled, pushing her head against Garrus' chest. He started running through Shepard's hair again and she made that humming noise again. It sounded like when you consoled a small turian child. Was this a comfort thing? 

And that's how Garrus spent his night. He fell asleep himself after a short time. It was so odd. He was curled up with an alien who was making content noises while he played with her weird, soft fringe. He could almost hear his father having an aneurysm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Putting this chapter in here because of upcoming chapters. Also thought it would be a cool thing to address the sleeping situation between these two.


	8. Culture [Shepard]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anything is bold is in a language that Shepard doesn't understand. Underlined words are Shepard speaking in German. Regular text is Shepard speaking in English or are words she understands..

It wasn't long before the ship Shepard had been stranded on docked the plane. Garrus' planet. Shepard was itching to stretch her legs but Garrus had left the ship. He'd made her stay put. Maybe she'd break something of his again. That'll teach him.

She wasn't even sure how long she'd been stuck here, a week maybe? Shepard lost count, time passes differently when kept aboard an alien vessel.

Shepard kicked her feet, feeling agitated that Garrus just up and left. They were on his planet and he was just going to leave her here? 

 There wasn't even any snooping she could do. This cabin wasn't that large and she was almost comfortable living in this space. She knew the nooks and crannies. Under the bed? Yup. All the papers stacked in piles around the room. Check, even scattered some about for good luck. Turian nest? Check, still comfortable when lacking actual lizard monster. Desk? Still has a hole in it. 

There wasn't much left for Shepard to do. Maybe this was what dogs felt like, minus the affection and loyalty of course. Shepard hated the looks Garrus had been giving her lately when he thought she wasn't looking. What did she do to him? Did she--

Shit.

She did.

Shepard had bothered only once with a shower since she'd gotten here. Taking a piss was weird the first time but she adjusted. S There'd been so much more going on that Shepard didn't even think about showering often. 

 _Maybe Garrus fled because I smelled too bad._  Shepard laughed at the thought. But shit, not having taken a shower in so long bothered her. Besides Garrus wasn't even here. Shepard didn't have to worry about being vulnerable around a predator.

 

* * *

 

Shepard appreciated the spartan look of the bathroom. It didn't give off weird alien vibes which a plus. And the toilet had yet the eat her so extra points there.

Shepard stripped out of her makeshift clothes and turned on the shower after a bit of fiddling. It was the same basic concept. 

The water came out lukewarm which was definitely a surprise, but not an unpleasant one. When the warm water came on and hit her skin Shepard couldn't help the small moan that escaped her lips. This was definitely a luxury, especially as the water warmed to almost scalding.

And she could just  _relax_. Garrus wasn't here. Everything was fine  _right now_.

The tension was melting off Shepard's body as the water rolled down her skin. Shepard may not have soap or hair washing supplies but just the sheer feeling of clean water was erotic. She had missed regular showers. It was part of a routine for her.

Speaking of, how long had it been since Shepard had unwinded? Sure porn wasn't an option but that didn't mean Shep didn't have hands. She was going to be plunged into enemy territory. She may end up losing all privacy so this was more than likely her last true shower.

And as Shepard's hand ventured down to her cunt she found that her body agreed with her as well.

_Well fuck it._

Sliding down onto the floor she found herself a good angle. 

The combination of water and the sheer lack of touches meant she was soaked. 

_Oh, god this is going to be heaven._

Shepard closed her eyes as she started massaging her clit. She didn't even bother trying to bite down the moans that fell from her lips. Fuck that.  

Again, Shepard had no idea when she'd get this level of privacy after this. While her one hand worked her swollen clit, she used her other hand to fuck herself. And  **oh** **god** the feeling was intense and she let out a long, loud moan as two fingers slid easily into her. Thank god for her habit of stress-biting her fingernails. Long nails were not fun for this. 

The combination of hot water against her skin and her hands was just pure heaven. Shepard was on a whole other level of existence as she fucked herself harder, and harder. Her brain tuned out anything that wasn't the warm shower and her hands working her aching cunt. 

Quiet moans escalated into loud gasps as Shepard found that sweet spot inside of her. She was already on the floor, couldn't biff it down here. 

Oh, she was _so_ close. Shepard felt like a teenager again, unable to hold back as she learned every spot that made her scream. As she reached her climax she let out a loud scream and Shepard swore her whole body just turned to jell-o. 

Balls to the rest of the ship. She'd fight every turian here.

"Fuck," Shepard was going to miss being able to pleasure herself. Fuck this situation in general. But there wasn't a whole lot she could do about it. She didn't know when Garrus would be back. Better be safe and finish washing.

 

* * *

 

Garrus got back only a handful of minutes after Shepard had finished her shower. She was dressed but her hair was still soaking wet. Shepard didn't mind, it was a comfortable reminder of her small luxury. He was carrying a paper bag and Shepard immediately felt her curiosity being piqued. But the face Garrus made when he strode into the cabin made Shepard's blood run cold.

"Garrus?" Shepard asked, unsettled that she could see the anger on his face so openly. He dropped the bag and strode over to her, grabbing her hard before Shepard could flinch away. He pressed his face into her. Was he was fucking smelling her? What the hell!? Shepard yelped and trying getting away from him but Garrus' grip was iron.

"WHO?!" He growled when he pulled his face away from her. When Shepard didn't meet his eyes, he yanked her so she had to make eye contact with him.

"What?" Shepard squeaked, feeling uneasy at his predatory gaze.

"Nihlus?" Shepard was certain his grip was going to draw blood from her arm and she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. She hated showing weakness like this but she didn't know what was going on. She was scared, she thought she could trust him. How fucking dare he!

"What?" Shepard's voice cracked and she could feel tears spilling over. Garrus immediately softened and released his grip.

"Who... **touched**  you?" Garrus now looked concerned, his mandibles flexing out from his face.

"What?" Shepard squeaked, still not understanding. Garrus shifted, looking uncomfortable at the situation at hand. 

 _He fucking better feel bad, he just tried to attack_ _me!_  

Shepard's thoughts were swimming and the tears were burning her eyes.

"Who??" Garrus asked again, this time pointing at her...

Shit.

He could smell like a fucking dog.

He could smell what she'd done in the shower.

He thought  _Nihlus touched her._ NO WAY! What the fuck was wrong with him!? Did turians not...?

Shepard couldn't handle this.

"Me," she squeaked, pointing at herself. Gods, her face flushed a bright red as this dawned on the bird alien. Garrus looked absolutely dumbfounded at this answer. Almost like he didn't know how it could even be done.

Then Garrus looked ashamed.

"I'm sorry," Garrus rumbled. His voice took a different pitch than Shepard had heard before. He took some steps back and Shepard wiped away the tears from her eyes. 

Holy shit, they really were worlds apart. At least Shepard had enjoyed her bliss while it lasted. Garrus went back to his desk and picked up the first aid kit, along with the bag he'd left at the door.

"I'm so sorry," Garrus said again, and Shepard could read the pain on his face. Shepard almost felt bad. Gods, this language barrier was going to be the death of her. 

The first thing Garrus did was tend to the puncture marks on her arm from his grasp. The disinfectant stung but Shepard did her best not to flinch as Garrus bandaged her up. Then, Garrus moved onto the bag. Shepard couldn't help but peek at what he was pulling out. The first thing out was a plastic bag with a...

No fucking way.

Was that a PB&J sandwich? How'd they fucking do that???

Garrus didn't even have a chance to present the treat before Shepard grabbed it. He made that rumbling laugh of his as Shepard tore into the packaging. She was quick to shovel the sandwich into her mouth. 

Oh, she'd been eating his food and while it had held her over it wasn't perfect. At least not as perfect and amazing as this beautiful food item in her hands. A little moan escaped her as she polished off the sandwich in what was most likely record time. Despite the little...incident...this was a great start to a day..

" **Now,** Shepard, you're  **going to need to wear this around,"** Garrus was speaking again. His words were a little too quick and it was hard to pick out what he was saying. But as he pulled a collar out of the bag, Shepard knew exactly what was going on. 

Of course, she was a fucking item, a pet, a trophy, not a person here. 

**"I got this fur-lined so it wouldn't be harsh on your neck."**

Holy shit, Garrus looked...was that guilt? Shepard couldn't tell but what she could tell was how well made this collar was. It was black with blue fur lining on the inside. There was a little pendant and bell on it and it reminded Shepard of a fetish collar. The thought made Shepard laugh. 

 _I've always wanted into BDSM but I never thought it'd be like this._  

Garrus looked confused but Shepard only smiled reassuringly.

"You're fine," she said, smiling up at him. Garrus nodded and made haste with putting the collar on Shepard.

"I'm going to take you to my home, okay?" Garrus said, as he pulled a leash out of the bag. 

"What am I even supposed to say to this? No? I don't have a choice here," Shepard grumbled as Garrus clipped the leash onto the collar. He looked at her with expectant eyes and it was obvious he wanted Shepard's consent. Or at least the illusion of it. Fucking brilliant, she had no choice in this whole situation but he still wanted a fucking yes from her.

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for taking forever to update the series, I've got hired on for a job and have been juggling a number of things as of late! Will try my best to get better about updating this now that things have settled down some.


	9. Home [Garrus]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bolded words are Shepard's German, underlined is her English; neither are languages he knows.
> 
> Dubious (really, incredibly dubious) consent in this chapter, just a heads up!

The whole culture and language barrier was going to give Garrus an aneurism. The whole incident with Shepard was beyond embarrassing. But how could he have even known? Garrus has had his fair share of bedmates--all turian--so he knew their anatomy well. It never crossed his mind that anyone could pleasure themselves, well at least without a toy. 

First there were no toys in Garrus' cabin. And even if Shepard got her hands on one who knows if it would be compatible with her...body.

Curse those tiny, clawless digits. They almost made him rip open Shepard's arm. The turian also felt embarrassed for thinking Nihlus had any part of that. It was rational as his XO was the only one with access to Garrus' cabin without Garrus around.

Shepard was quiet during their trip, happy to just follow close to him. There was a sheen on her forehead but there was no complaints as they made their trip back to Garrus' flat. Of course the Palaven's heat and radiation was too much for Shepard's delicate skin. Garrus had read about that and planned accordingly. His fix for that was to keep her out of the sun and do lots of traveling by vehicle.

Once at his place Garrus freed her from the leash and let her poke around. He didn't bother locking the front door because where would she even go if she made a break for it? Garrus was certain she had some sense in that head of hers.

 

* * *

 

After unpacking his stuff, Garrus went to go find his human. The flat wasn't large by any means. One bedroom, one bathroom, then the living space which included lounge and kitchen. It's not like she could've gotten far and he was right. Shepard had made it into his bedroom and collapsed onto his bed. All the adventure today must've exhausted her.

"Shepard," he said, approaching the human. Shepard made a small noise and curled up into herself, hiding her face as though wishing to not be disturbed. There were many things to do today though and Shepard would have time to sleep after they did a little shopping.

"Come on Shepard," Garrus took a few more steps forward and put the back of his talon against her cheek. Shepard made a small noise and reached out for Garrus. She wasn't looking and it was more just grabbing at the air.

Chuckling to himself, Garrus decided to humor his alien.

"We can nap but not for long," he murmured, curling up next to Shepard. Garrus should be on high alert right now. He should be scolding himself for trusting this alien. For allowing himself to consider her as a  _friend._ For also allowing it to give orders. But the tiny ball of fire curled up in his bed was just...something else. Shepard was not only exotic but also familiar in a way that scared Garrus. He was so quick to trust her, to help her, to relax around her. Shepard was both everything he feared but new in exciting ways.

" **You know I can't understand you, nor you me. I don't know why you bother making language noises at me** ," Shepard grumbled, nuzzling her face into Garrus' neck. Her breath was warm against the un-plated skin there. It stirred up feelings Garrus wanted nothing to do with. So he mentally smacked them down.

That was a line, one that did not need to be crossed.

"S-shepard," Garrus growled, pushing her away. Shepard looked up at him, a confused expression on her face. Again, these barriers were going to give Garrus an aneurysm. 

Then she did that smile thing that made ice run down Garrus' spine. The smile where she showed all her teeth and something glimmered in her eyes. 

"Shepard??" His voice was wobbly as Shepard wound her small arms around his waist. 

 _Oooh noo_. 

Maybe didn't mean a whole lot when it came to human-to-human interaction. But even her just holding him there was dizzying. Thank the Spirits he was at least in civvies. His un-plated skin pressed against her soft skin would've ...

No this could not be happening. Shepard didn't know what she was doing. Right? She had to be confused. This was a comfort thing.  _Right?_

Shepard made soft purring noises and buried her face back into his neck. It took all of Garrus' restraint not to growl. 

She _knew_ what she was doing and it was making him a little dizzy.

"Shepard no," Garrus growled, pulling on her hair to get her to stop that thing she was doing. But the sound that escaped the alien's lips made him realize that he had only egged her on.

**Fuck.**

He needed to stop this.

He was stronger here.

He was...

Oh. Shepard was dragging her blunt nails across his skin and her face was pressed against the bare skin of his neck. Her breath was soft and her lips were  **right there**. 

Oh Spirits help him. She was pushing all his buttons and he could feel his plates loosening. This was bad, this was so bad. He couldn't let this tiny human get the best of him. He was stronger.

Or at least he thought he was. 

But when Shepard bit down with her blunt teeth Garrus couldn't help the growl that rumbled in his chest. It was so different from a turian bite but _oh Spirits_ it felt heavenly. 

"Shepard," Garrus' voice was cracking as the human pulled him by his waist. So close that their bodies were flush against each other.

She could probably feel his length through his civvies. He could certainly feel her thigh pressed between his legs. It was dizzying and so much.

For someone who had a lower body temperature than his she was so warm.

" **Gotcha,** " Shepard purred after pressing her lips to where she had just bitten. Garrus' head was swimming, how dare his body drain his brain of blood. This was mutiny! 

And **_oh_** , how he was enjoying this. Spirits forgive him.

But as soon as Shepard had started, she pulled away, a smile dancing on her lips. What game was she playing at here?

Oh, that one.

Shepard was pulling down his civvy pants.

"Shepard no!" Garrus grabbed her hands, doing his best to stop whatever ride he was on. 

But of course Shepard didn't know the first thing about breaks. She had pulled down his pants just enough that only a few inches of his cock was sticking out of the hem. 

But of course that was all Shepard needed. 

Before Garrus could formulate what was going on, Shepard leaned down and licked him. 

_Oh Spirits above guide him._

Garrus whined, hips pressing up against her lips. This was new. Oh, what was this? His self control was dissolving and he found that he'd dropped Shepard's wrists. So, of course the little demon makes quick work of pulling down his pants just enough. Before Garrus could even  _feel_ the cold air Shepard took just the first bit of his cock into her mouth.

"SHEPARD!" Garrus growled, his hips snapping up involuntarily. Her mouth was sinfully warm. Her tongue was rubbing at the very tip, sending waves of pleasure through his body. Her eyes flicked up and locked with his as she dipped her head down further, taking more of him in. Her tongue was still moving across the top of his cock as her head bobbed up and down. Each downstroke taking just a  _tinnnyy_ bit more of him down her throat. 

The rumbles and sub-harmonics he was letting out were intense. He was threatening to cum any moment if she didn't stop now. He whined, his head spinning as she got half of it in her mouth.

Garrus could feel the tip of his cock pressing against the back of her throat. The slick, warm heat of it was driving him insane. How much more could she take??

Obviously not much more as when she did, she coughed and gagged, pulling out all the way. Garrus couldn't help the whine that escaped him.

" **Where do you even hide this much fucking dick?** " Shepard was exclaiming about something. Garrus  _missed_ her mouth so much. He had been right there before she pulled out. He wanted to finish, he wanted his power back, this was a power play. Oh he hoped so because that's all his muddled brain could come up with. Shepard's mouth was just right here and he  _needed_ her.

So he took it into his own hands--er, talons.

He grabbed her by the hair and shoved his cock into her mouth before she could finish her sentence. This took her off guard as she coughed and sputtered as his cock hit the back of her throat. Her hands quickly covered what she couldn't fit in her mouth but that didn't matter to Garrus. 

What mattered was that  **he** was no longer powerless, it was him taking the reins. 

Also this was a beautiful sight. Shepard's fiery red fringe gripped in his talons as he slammed his cock into her mouth over and over. She was making noises that that sounded like both moaning and gagging. The mix of feelings her mouth was giving was pushing him closer and closer to his orgasm.

"Shepard!!" Garrus cried. Oh Spirits he was right there! 

Shepard wasn't having any of it though. She moved her hands quickly, pushing up and away from his cock. Garrus whined helplessly as she managed to untangle herself from him. 

But this further solidified that she was ex-military, made for hand-to-hand combat. That was both terrifying and sexy.

" **No way, this is my fucking rodeo** Garrus  **and we're going to follow my lead. You dragged my sorry ass to your fucking planet and I refuse to be your fucking friend** ," Shepard had a fire in her eyes and Garrus suddenly felt...scared. Her tone and OOOH. She raked her nails down his inner thighs and Garrus yelped, the feeling a mix of pleasure and pain.  

Shepard sat up and pulled at her makeshift clothes. At this point Garrus didn't want to intercept what he assumed was going to happen. If her mouth was that tight, wet, and warm he could only imagine...

No fuck! He needed to stop this. They were destroying what semblance of trust they had had. 

No, she was! She was using him!

But Garrus didn't act quick enough. Shepard straddled him, a dangerous glint in her eyes. Her too many digited hands snatched his wrists up, blunt claws digging into the soft skin. Garrus cried out, the pain sudden and unexpected as he was pinned.

Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no no n on on o no!

"No please Shepard!" Garrus whined, struggling under the ex-soldier. 

" **Don't worry, this won't hurt if you'll stop squirming** ," Shepard had that fucking grin. Her smile wide and wild as she lined herself up. Garrus could smell her, how aroused she was and could feel the heat radiating off her core. 

Oh and when she slid down his world went white.


	10. I Played The Fool [Shepard]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anything is bold is in a language that Shepard doesn't understand. Underlined words are Shepard speaking in German. Regular text is Shepard speaking in English or are words she understands..

Shepard didn't like any of this. She wandered off as soon as Garrus found other things to do. This was going to give her a headache if this kept up. At least with the previous ship she knew where she stood. Shepard was a toy, a pet, a plaything. Here there was only gray lines and confusing languages. So, that had to change. Garrus could've taken her home, not to wherever the hell this was. It had a name but that didn't matter.

Right now Shepard was going to establish who was in charge.

If she was going to rot on this planet, it was on her terms. Not stuck in some fucking house making friendly. She was at least not going to end up trusting someone like Garrus. It was a bad idea and she knew it at the core of her being.

Some fucking friend. Taking her as his 'out' and not back home. If he really cared this isn't how he'd show it!

 

* * *

 

The oldest trick in the book was the 'pretending to be asleep' one. Garrus fell for it. At least she had that going for her.

But curled up next to him as he talking in his gargling language, Shepard almost put the thing to full stop.

It didn't matter now though. Shepard would guilt herself into an early grave if she backed out for a few soft feelings. This was her battlefield and Garrus had walked into it without even knowing.

 

* * *

 

Shepard realized how uncertain and uncomfortable Garrus was about the whole situation. But that was to be expected. If Garrus had been attracted to her he would've taken her. That damn white knight complex was also annoying. 

But when it came to taking off his pants, Shepard was shocked. Yea, it just so happened that Shepard ended up in bed with a few turians as of late but that hadn't been of her accord. Now she could properly admire the strange, alien anatomy. And of course she was expecting an alien penis, this wasn't like she just went to the local sex shop for a toy.

There was no head like with a human, it was all one sleek,  _huge_ monster. Slick with what Shepard could only assume was Garrus' version of precum. On top of that it was  _fucking blue_. There were rings down his cock. They started with small ones just an inch from the tip and getting bigger and thicker as it went down. Interesting. To top it all off was probably eight inches of pure fantasy dildo and holy shit was Shepard turned on.

_Good, at least I can enjoy this._

But there was no way Shepard could fit it all in her mouth. Yea sure her cunt could accommodate but her mouth, not so much. 

They weren't there yet and Shepard wanted to make him whine. She wanted to get him close, make him weak and helpless before moving onto the bigger stuff.

 

* * *

 

When Garrus tried taking matters into his own hands, Shepard knew it was time to move on. Garrus was easy to manipulate. A lot of erogenous zones and turn-ons not too different from lovers she'd had before. Shepard almost started to feel bad as she had to pin him down by his wrists. After all her plan was thought up in a fit of panic and homesickness. 

But she wasn't going to back down.

He was an alien.

He was essentially holding her hostage here.

Some  _friend_  he was.

When Shepard finally overpowered him and took his full length she was beyond glad she had a grip on him. The sheer amount of sensations sent her mind reelings. Both of them had been lubricated enough but GOD. The sheer feeling of his cock filling her made her vision black out for a moment.

Garrus was growling underneath her, beckoning her to start moving. But Shepard was falling back down to earth and she could feel her plan shattering around her. Other than the physical sensations there was no joy in this.

But the small inkling of guilt in her gut grew to a full fledged monster.

She was no better than the turian who had his claws on her last time. 

This was disgusting.

Shepard pulled herself up off Garrus and untangled herself from his limbs. The alien looked beyond disoriented.

Poor thing. Must be exhausting to take the brunt of Shepard's angry, panic, and heartsickness. He made some noises and Shepard felt talons reaching for her just as she slid over the edge of the bed. Before he could recover from the situation, Shepard bolted.

 

* * *

 

Gods, what had she done? It was solid in her head before, all she had to do was make him hate her. ust make the lines less blurry and shatter whatever they had going on.

Shepard didn't want to get close to anyone, especially not someone who was...

He wasn't holding her hostage, he was only trying to do what he thought was best for Shepard. And what had Shepard done? She could try all she wanted to villainize him but it wasn't like Shepard had a home to go to, a place that she belonged. It was--had been--her and this weird alien. But Shepard wasn't ready for that.

She'd grown up military. She'd fallen in love with what she assumed was a fellow soldier and was ready to settle down. Shepard would never learn. It was a fact somewhere, hardcoded into the way she worked.

"Shepard?" Garrus was right outside the closet Shepard was curled up in. She figured it wouldn't be hard for him to find her, she just wished he would've taken longer. Shepard only growled, or at least tried to. The sound was more akin to a sob; a broken noise escaping a broken human. Garrus said some more things, but Shepard didn't understand, didn't want to understand. And Garrus left, Shepard heard the footsteps as he stepped out of the front door.

 

* * *

 

"CAN YOU SERIOUSLY DO NOTHING RIGHT SHEPARD?" Kaidan growled, smashing his fist down onto the kitchen counter. Shepard curled her hands into fists and glared at her fiancé.

"I don't know Kaidan, apparently I fucking can't," Shepard shouted back. She could feel she was gripping her fists too hard, the press of her nails was beginning to sting.

"Get out of my house Shepard," Kaidan deflated, looking a little defeated. Oh fuck that!

"This isn't just your house Kaidan! This isn't just about you! I had to go through this, I made some choices and I have to live with them. This isn't just about you Kaidan, it never will be. You're weak, you always have been. I don't know why I ever thought you were worth my time, why I dared open my heart to you. I come to you for comfort. Despite everything. Despite this horrible situation. I was going to give you a chance. And you throw everything at me. Everything I've ever done for us. Just right back in my face," it was all too much. Shepard had started stalking forward as she spit her anger at the ex-soldier in front of her.

"Please leave Shepard. I don't want to fight," Kaidan looked so small but all Shepard could do was laugh in his face. 

"I **_love_**  how you try to confront me but as soon as I raise my voice you fucking buckle. What the fuck Alenko? What kind of sick power play is this?" Shepard was shaking and she could see the fear in Kaidan's eyes. The irony of this situation wasn't lost on Shepard at all.

A knock at the door broke Shepard's concentration and when she turned to look at the door Kaidan punched.

"Bitch!" Kaidan screamed and Shepard could hear her jaw crack.

That's it. That's fucking it. Shepard had fucking had it with this insolent little twat. She whipped around, ignoring the second pounding on the door. Her hands reached out, catching around Kaidan's throat.

"I'm over you. Over this. Over everything you little weasel. I fucking tried to love you. You're  _nothing_ ," her jaw ached, her head ached, everything was too much. Thankfully the adrenalin pumping through her veins dulled the ache. She was a live wire, alive in this moment. Shepard lifted ex Lt. Alenko off his feet and pressed him against the wall.  He kicked at her, coughing and gagging as he scrabbled to get free of Shepard's vice grip.

"I'm sick of this shit, of you lying to my face. I'm sick of being treated like the bad guy when you're sleeping with my brother behind my fucking back. You think you get a free pass because of how we were set up. If you hated this so much, if you regretted this so much then you could've left. Told your military to reinstate me. But no, you're a coward. You lied to me, to my brother, to the military. I'm surprised they didn't fucking arrest you."

"Shepard! Put Alenko down!" Shepard looked over from Kaidan to Udina, who had several masked soldiers behind him. He had a gun raised to Shepard, his hands shaking.

 _Hero of the fucking day._  Shepard thought bitterly.

"No. Not after everything you've done Udina. You're a monster," Shepard laughed, her grip tightening around the stilling Kaidan. "And you've made me a monster."

Shots rang out.

Shepard's world went black.

 

* * *

 

 

Shepard didn't know how long she was out. It wasn't like it was the most comfortable thing but Shepard had had worse.

"Shepard?" A knock and a familiar voice woke Shepard from her sleep. Immediately, she could feel the kinks in her neck that had formed during her nap. Everything in her body hurt and she only grumbled as she unfolded her body.

"Shepard?  **Please come out, I'm not angry,** " the alien was garbling something at her. Right now she needed to get free from this yoga position gone wrong.

"Please go away. I can't be your friend," tears were stinging Shepard's eyes and she felt so broken. All these years of fighting and it was all coming down on her.

" **I'm coming in** Shepard," Garrus fiddled with the door before it swooshed open. Shepard whined and buried her face in her arm. She was a wreck, on the inside and on the outside too. Well, probably.

"Shepard," he was trying to be comforting, moving closer to her now. He must've knelt down to make sure Shepard could hear him.

"What?" Was all she could murmur. Her body ached and her emotions were fried. Everything was all too much.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Shepard was actually listening and the words made sense. 

"I know," was her response. Garrus made a sound in the back of his throat and he scooped up the ex-soldier without thinking twice. This was so reminiscent of the first time around and it made Shepard laugh. 

" **We're going to get you cleaned up. Got you new clothes and some food. I don't know what's going through your head** Shepard **but I want to help** ," Shepard didn't try to keep up with all the words Garrus was speaking and it was obvious Garrus didn't expect her to understand.

"Mmm," Shepard pressed her cheek against Garrus' chest and closed her eyes. This was all so much and she was giving her whiplash. Emotions were bullshit.

Garrus carried her to the bathroom and set her up on the counter. Shepard did her best to steady herself. It was so odd being butt naked on a countertop with an alien avoiding eye contact with her. 

" **I don't wanna be your enemy** ," Garrus murmured as he fiddled with a bag on the floor. Shepard averted her eyes from what he was doing and brought her hand up to the collar. She'd forgotten about this, and to be honest it was very well made. Funny how things change so quickly. She was a human train wreck. Bless Garrus and his seemingly endless patience.

 

* * *

 

"I love you so dearly Shepard," Kaidan said, hovering at the entrance to her cabin. "I don't want to lose you Shepard."

"I understand Kaidan," how had she gotten to this point though? How had she ended up engaged? She was just a soldier and not at all interested in settling down. Or at least she had been. 

Oh yea. Udina. What a fuck waffle.

First she would find a way to divorce Kaidan without causing a political uproar. Then she was going to divorce Udina's head from his body.

"Please Shepard. I understand we aren't on the best terms but we can make this work. I want to make this work. Since we're both roped into this." Kaidan hesitated. Uncertainty all over his face, not sure if he was welcome in the commanding officer's cabin.

"Why? Why do you want this to work so bad? What's so amazing about me? Why can't we just call it friends and appease our superiors?" Shepard asked, voice cracking and tears starting to build up. Shepard was scared. The man in front of her could be acting as innocent as he wanted but Shepard knew better.

And boy, did she wish she didn't.

"Because I love you and I want you," Kaidan took a step forward, eyes locking with Shepard's. She was cornered and there was no bailing out.  "And I get what I want Shepard."

Kaidan sighed and dropped his harsh tone. Christ, Shepard was going to get whiplash from this guy's mood swings. He stepped forward, close enough into Shepard's personal space that she growled.

"What if I don't love you?" Shepard asked. Kaidan laughed.

"Don't make this difficult, I don't want to be your enemy Shepard."

 

* * *

 

"Garrus. Remember to never kill royalty with your bare hands," her voice was soft. She wasn't even certain she'd even spoken. Garrus was pulling an outfit from the bag. He'd gone through the trouble of acquiring a bra and underwear for Shepard. 

 _How fucking sweet._ Shepard thought bitterly.

"What?" Garrus gave her a look as he handed her the clothes. Other than the new pairs of underwear there was a simple black cotton shirt and what felt like sweat pants. Shepard took them in her hands and gave a small smile.

"Don't get wrapped up in a political shitstorm while you're planet is under siege. It's guaranteed to cause pain, death, and a giant fucking headache," Shepard grumbled. It was nice to say these things aloud, even in a language the alien bug didn't understand. Garrus clacked his mandibles and Shepard just laughed. This whole situation was ridiculous. 

" **I'll be right outside the bathroom when you're done getting dressed** ," Garrus said. He pointed at the door before excusing himself. Shepard hauled herself off the counter and proceeded to get dressed.

 

* * *

 

"You're aim is incredible," an unfamiliar voice pulls Shepard away from her marksman training. 

"Uh, thanks. You are?" Shepard asks, taking in the sight of the man. He's a bit taller than her. Tanned skin, sculpted black hair, and a smile that made Shepard uncomfortable.

"Kaidan Alenko. And I think I'm correct to assume that you're Jane Shepard. No one else could be quite as beautiful as you," oh, this _fucking_ guy.

Udina was talking about how a soldier from the Persian military was here to see how the rebel army was shaping up. Guy didn't look Persian though? A little white for that? Shepard couldn't tell. Maybe it wasn't a born into royalty thing.  Whatever it was this guy looked like he hadn't even seen a video on fighting or war. Shepard could be wrong but he just rubbed her the wrong way.

"Yea, well I don't care for your flattery. I've got training to do so I suggest you bug off," Shepard grumbled. She turned her attention back to the target in front of her.

"That's no way to talk to royalty now is it?" Kaidan's voice went from soft to sharp in seconds. Shepard didn't finch. She knew better than to show weakness to this kind of person.

"I've got a gun in my hands, I don't care how fucking royal you are I don't have any obligations to talk to you."

"Yes you do Shepard," Udina's voice came from behind her. That got her attention. What the hell was this about? She did  **not** answer to this asshat.

 "Says you? I answer to Hackett. Not you," Shepard lowered her weapon but glared as Udina with all energy she could manage.

"Not anymore. I've made some arrangements and you're going to like them or you won't like anything ever again. So I suggest you put the gun down and smile for your fiancé."

 

* * *

 

Stockholm syndrome seemed to be framing her life as of late. First with the issue of Udina & company. Now here with Garrus.

After pulling on her new sweats Shepard stretched herself out, popping a few joints as she went. It was absolutely baffling how she'd gotten here. From head commander for the rebel force to the lapdog for some scheming Persian milita. Then those scheming Persians sent her into fucking space. Their militia wasn't known to co-operate. So really, Shepard thought it would in the best interest. Hackett wouldn't have assigned her to something like that otherwise.

 And between that Shepard was drugged, hospitalized, and left dazed and confused. The world continued to move around her but she lagged behind. Sometimes things would still be fuzzy and weird.Fucking brilliant.

And if you got Shepard to try and recount how it all happened she'd only be able to give you shrugs. She had no timeline. She was barely there for it.

 

* * *

 

"We're trying to help you Shepard," Hackett said, looking like someone kicked his dog. Poor guy. Shepard wondered what was wrong.

"I know and I don't understand what you're talking about. Here's the thing: I love him. I do! I didn't think I would, after everything but I love him!" Shepard smiled and rested her face against her palm. "Sure he's loud sometimes, sure he's a little...abrasive but I love him!"

Hackett shook his head and turned to the doctor at his side.

"I think the dosage on the drugs they gave was strong enough for amnesia to set in. We cannot get all the details so it could be any number of things," the doctor shrugged. He let his attention fall back to his clipboard.

"Kadian loves me. And Udina says he's proud. He says that he saved me Mr. Hackett!" Shepard's smile grew and she started drawing circles on the desk with her pointer finger.

"She's been MIA for months and the timing of it all is just too perfect. They're planning something."

"Can you tell me anything Shepard?"

"I can tell you when our wedding is and how beautiful my dress will be."

 

* * *

 

Shepard exited the bathroom with eyes cast down. How could Garrus NOT hate her for what she'd done? She'd assaulted him for crying out loud.

"Are you alright?" Garrus asked, voicing his words slowly so Shepard could understand him.

"No," was Shepard's answer. She didn't even bother looking up at Garrus. The turian made a noise in the back of his throat.

"I **don't know** what you're **going through** Shepard **but** I **cannot hate** you **.** I **want to be your friend** ," Garrus put a hand on Shepard's shoulder, a gesture of comfort . Shepard did her best to try and understand what Garrus was saying. But honestly? There were just too many alien words for Shepard to deceiver. Her brain was exhausted. She was exhausted.

"I'm a bad person Garrus," Shepard said in English. There was no way she'd be able to translate what was going on in her head. Garrus rumbled before pulling Shepard into a hug. Was this guy out of his mind?

Yes. Yes he was.

 

* * *

 

"Vitals are stable, she's waking up."

"No, put her back under we can't have her waking up yet. You know her temper."

"Are you sure? We should probably check her status."

"I'm positive. I don't want her ruining this again. Put her back under."

 

 

* * *

 

Shepard had to admit, the food was good. Her head been a little fuzzy all day so the non-turian cuisine was a blessing. Garrus was eating his own food at the opposite end of the table. It wasn't really wasn't that far. The table was made for two turians tops.

"I don't understand why you're being so nice to me. If you knew the things I've done," Shepard murmured, not looking up from her food.

" **I'm not going to learn your language with you mumbling** ," was Garrus' response. It was a different experience. She was sitting at a table where she couldn't really communicate with the other person if you wanted to.

"Shepard no home," the sentence was choppy but it was the best she could do given her limited vocabulary. Garrus was silent for a moment before answering.

"I'm sorry."


	11. Coming to Terms [Garrus]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bolded words are Shepard's German, underlined is her English; neither are languages he knows.
> 
> Also, time for good ole smut since I've been gone forever. You guys deserve it. ;)

This whole situation was over Garrus' head. Had he known what he'd get himself into by saving that human, maybe he would've left well enough alone. The past month had been one giant headache. Shepard continued to be an enigma and Garrus continued to try and be her friend.

Of course Garrus wasn't on Palaven to just hang around his new human. He was a goddamn military professional. He was even in runnings to become a Spectre. That alone was going to make his father roll around in his grave. 

And because of all the happenings he wasn't always home to babysit his little human. Garrus was a Commander now and now a possible spectre. 

He often left children's programs on for her when he left her alone. Shepard didn't seem to mind this and in fact seemed to be picking up the language quite well. It should've been more challenging given her different voice box. But here she was, speaking pretty well in Garrus' tongue.

It was always fun coming home because he was never certain  _how_  his alien would greet him. Most often, she looked up from her position on the couch, ringing the little bell from her collar. Sometimes there was a 'welcome home', other times not. If that wasn't the case she was cooking for herself, showering, or napping on his bed. 

It should've irritated Garrus that she would sleep in his bed. But he knew his couch wasn't the most comfortable. At night though, Shepard didn't seem to have any interest in sharing sleeping space with him. In fact, after their little "hands on" incident, Shepard had avoided touching him. She would even go as far to avoid eye contact. 

It'd been almost three weeks and she still seemed reserved about the situation. Part of Garrus missed the familiarity that had settled on the ship. But like any good turian Garrus was quick to quell the feelings when they came up.

 

* * *

 

"Garrus," Shepard was laying out on the couch. She managed to take up the whole thing despite her tiny form. Garrus was settled in a chair to the right of it. One of Shepard's favorite programs was on,. It was one that Garrus himself had loved as a child. They'd been on Palavan for almost two months now and the two had gotten used to a steady schedule. 

Garrus wasn't ready to break the news yet, that could wait.

"Mmm," Garrus acknowledged her. But right now he was buried in reading his data pad. It was formality stuff for the Spectre training program but it was important. A nice read with nothing else to really do. Things had been slow with work and it was making him anxious.

"Should I even be learning your language?" Shepard's question caught Garrus off guard. The turian frowned and looked up from his data pad.

"What do you mean?" 

"Shouldn't it be illegal to teach humans their enemy's language?" Shepard clarified, looking up at him with piercing green eyes. Eye contact had started coming back after a month of being at home. At first it had thrown Garrus off guard. If he was honest, he hadn't expected her to come around. But here they were, a month after Shepard stopped dancing circles around him. 

Garrus had missed her and the familiarity they had so much.

"I don't know.  I don't think I could've stopped you if I wanted to," Garrus shrugged. Something he'd actually picked up from Shepard. He was relaxed about it at home but it was something he had to mentally tell himself  **not** to do at work. It was bad enough Nihlus had also picked it up. It wasn't a turian thing and adopting his human's body language could put up red flags and put Garrus in a bad spot.

"Fair enough. But you are enabling me," Shepard pointed out. 

An uncomfortable silence fell over them. Garrus didn't have anything to say. It was  _true_. But Shepard didn't have the decency to stop starting after Garrus returned to his data pad. 

Shepard, for the most part, had been quiet, only asking questions when they came to mind. She still wasn't as open as when they'd been on the ship. 

Garrus, again, found himself missing the familiarity. Oh Spirits, how he missed it, especially when he was curled up in bed at night by himself. He missed holding Shepard. What that meant for him, for Shepard, and for his sanity, he had no clue. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't get the memories of her soft, warm body held against his burned out of his mind. Not even his beautiful co-worker could fix this hole he'd dug for himself.

_Face it Vakarian, you like this human._

And Garrus, at this point, had no options to deny it anymore. Especially not now. He had woken up with his cock swollen and aching after an inappropriate dream about Shepard. Spirits curse this woman.

Shepard eventually looked away and turned her attention back to the show.

 

* * *

 

"Garrus?" There was a soft voice from the door to his room. The voice started him from sleep. Garrus found himself instinctively putting a gun in the direction of the door as she pushed it open. 

"Garrus, it's just me, Shepard." 

"Shit, you scared me," Garrus sighed, putting the gun down and clacking his mandibles. 

"I'm sorry," Shepard's voice sounded soft and unsure. It was way different from her usual fire and Garrus shook his head.

"Don't be. Come over here, tell me what's wrong," he said as he flicked on his bedside lamp. Shepard was standing at his doorway, a vulnerable look on her face. She wore a black t-shirt that hung loosely on her frame, stopping at the top of her thighs. Deep down Garrus hoped she was wearing underwear and that it was just being covered by her shirt.  

"Just...just a bad dream. And, well..I just. I wanted to know if I could sleep with you tonight," Shepard was nervous. Her hands were wringing at her shirt as the words fell from her lips. Garrus could almost feel the uncertainty rolling off her.

"Of course. Make yourself comfortable," Garrus said before his mind even had a chance to catch up with him. He was still completely naked and offering her a place in his bed. "Would you like me to put some clothes on first?"

"I don't mind," Shepard said as she padded over to the bed. "Do whatever makes you comfortable. You don't have to sleep next to me, would just be nice to share a bed.  **Cuddling is optional here**." 

Garrus nodded as she curled up in the spot next to him. Even with Shepard becoming fluent in his tongue, she still switched to her own rough, home tongue. _A comfort thing_. Something about it fascinated Garrus. He only spoke one language well and now this human could speak almost three. 

What was even more fascinating was the human laying in bed next to him. Her emerald eyes locked with his sapphire ones. Something about the vulnerability in her eyes made his sub-harmonics rumble.

Spirits guide him through this.

"Can I touch you?" Shepard asked, voice almost too quiet for him to hear.

"What do you mean?" Garrus could feel his heart thudding in his chest. Would this be where he lost all the control he'd been so desperately trying to build up? Because he was lying if he said he hadn't been thinking of Shepard more and more lately. Thinking about how beautiful she was. The way his language sounded on her tongue. The absolutely infuriating way she would stare him down sometimes. Like now.

"I--" Shepard fell silent, flat teeth worrying her bottom lip as she averted his eyes.

"Go ahead," Garrus didn't bother waiting for her to come up with an answer. She more than likely didn't have one. Curiosity maybe? Certainly couldn't be desire or longing. This woman had made it clear she was disgusted by what she'd done when they first arrived.

"Are you certain?" Shepard's eyes met his again and Garrus gave a tight nod, unable to trust his own voice.

After a moment's pause, she reached out and pressed her palm flat against his chest. She was just a few degrees cooler than him but it still sent shivers down his body. 

Oh  _Spirits_. For one moment, he desired for her to use those too many fingers on his cock. 

Those thoughts, oh  _those_ thoughts, were shoved far away from the forefront of his mind. Getting a boner here and now was **NOT** unacceptable.

Shepard wiggled closer to him, trying to get comfortable.

Her second hand was curled around her stomach, the one not pressed against his chest.

"You're beautiful," Shepard said softly. Garrus closed his eyes, trying to process what in the fuck was happening. What she coming on to him? What did she want from him?

"You're so damn beautiful. And you just, you're something else. You teach me things, you respect me, you feed me, you shelter me, all these things I've never asked for. All these things I don't deserve from you. You've been generous with your gifts and I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you. But I could definitely start trying if you like," Shepard's voice was low, reverent even. 

"What do you mean?" Garrus opened his eyes at the last bit of her sentence. 

"I could do what I did with my mouth a while ago. It wasn't that I didn't like it. I mean, we never talked about it," this wasn't happening. Garrus wanted desperately for her to start showing some signs of nervousness. Some uncertainty even. But there was only a steadfast conviction in her eyes. 

"But now...I owe you Garrus."

"You don't owe me anything Shepard. And you don't have to do anything you don't want to," Garrus' head as swimming, this was too much. It could be so easy to just let her take his cock in his mouth again, let him feel that warm, slick heat as she worked her magic. And oh _Spirits_ he would love every moment of it. They'd built back up this friendship and if she would give herself willingly...

"I want to though. Not just because I owe you or because I like you like that, but because I miss it. I miss those kinds of things. And it would be...comforting. It would be, nice for you to just take me and fuckmy face," Shepard scratched softly at his chest piece. She was deep in thought. Garrus could feel his plates loosening at her words though. A growl escaped the turian and oh how he wanted her. And he could smell her arousal. Oh,  _Spirits._

"Garrus?" Shepard's voice was a little sterner and it made Garrus' eyes open.

"Shepard why?" He whined. "Why do you do this to me? I thought we were friends."

Shepard gave a small smile.

"We are friends and friends can sleep together too. Does that mean the same in your language?" Shepard scrunched up her face, obviously not having been taught how to say these things.

Then her face lit up.

 _Spirits guide him_.

"I want to learn how to say these things. I want you to teach me Garrus," Shepard scooted even closer to him. Her legs were pressed against his and her face was mere inches from his own. 

"Pleeease," She emphasized the last bit by raking her nails down just inches above where his cock was unsheathed.

"Shepard. Fuck," he growled, hips bucking up.

"I want you to tell me 'yes' or 'no'."

"You want my consent," Garrus could start there. Shepard grinned.

"Yes, I want your consent," Shepard picked up the new word easily. This was so fucking much and it was making his head spin.

"I don't know if I can," Garrus whined, eyes closing and sub-harmonics rumbling dangerously.

"What do you mean?" Garrus could hear the ice in her voice but he didn't dare open his eyes.

"I know my cock is saying that I want you but I don't want you to think I'm using you."

Shepard laughed. 

"Even though I'm asking to take your cock in my mouth. To let you grab me by the hair and slam it down my throat?" Oh god hearing her say that made him ache. She picked up his words so easily.

"I just have no idea where this is coming from Shepard," Garrus said, exhaling through his nose.

"Frankly I don't either but I trust you Garrus. I don't know if you trust me anymore, but I just want  _you_."

"Are you certain?"

"100%."

"You want me to fuck you? To pound my cock into you?" It felt filthy to be saying these things to her but the smell of her and the throbbing of his cock was too much.

"Yes. Please."

It took him only a few moments to decide. Garrus grabbed her waist and rolled so he had her pinned under him. Shepard grinned wide, spreading her legs apart. It was a no on the underwear question. Garrus could slide himself so easily into her slick heat. Fucking her and filling her.  He adjusted himself accordingly, kneeling in a way that kept his leg spurs out of the way. It let him line his cock up to her, heat pouring off her.

"Is it alright if I bite? I might not be able to control myself..." Garrus said, locking eyes with her. 

"Please do," Shepard grinned dangerously. 

She was  _too much_. Spirits help him.  Save him from this tiny, fierce creature.

He grabbed at her thighs and pulled her close so that her heat was lined up with his cock. All he had to do was push his hips forward. Oh Spirits, she was so wet and he could smell the arousal radiating off her.

"Garrus please," Shepard whined under him. Her head was thrown back, lips parted, hands grasping at the sheets.

Too late to back out now.

Garrus buried his face into the crook of her neck and pushed himself into her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And soon back to the regularly scheduled angst. Got an ending lined up for this one as well so hold onto your butts guys.


	12. Owning Your Mistakes [Shepard]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anything is bold is in a language that Shepard doesn't understand. Underlined words are Shepard speaking in German. Regular text is Shepard speaking in English or are words she understands.

Shepard is a royal mess of a human being. Always been the worst at relationships and feelings. Good at shooting. 

Despite it all though, she has a friendship with a turian. Someone who could've had her dead months ago. And to think he scooped her up and saved her like some kinda white knight. Shepard had always hated that. But here she was, stuffing her belongings into a duffel bag planning to leave with him on his ship. _**Willingly.**_

"Do you have everything packed?" Garrus came up behind her and Shepard started only a little. He was light on his feet and had the habit of scaring her. She would never get used to it.

"Nearly. Do you think it is best for me to accompany you aboard the ship?" Shepard looked up at her friend and she was greeted with a smile, well his version of a smile at least. Shepard always found it endearing. His hand went to the small of her back and she relaxed into the touch.

"I don't want to keep you locked up here. I want you to come along. You may end up locked up in the cabin. There's a few things I need to attend to," Garrus fluttered his mandibles as Shepard zipped up her bag. "I would prefer you by my side."

Their relationship had been rocky. They were definitely friends and more comfortable around each other. But they also had become tenuous lovers, sleeping the same bed and often fucking each other. They hadn't spoken of it directly but they assumed friendship. An actual relationship would be  **bad**. Probably. 

Shepard didn't dwell on it. But Shepard could not deny the growing feelings in her chest. She **could** damn well could shove them so far down they would never see the light of day.

"Of course. Cannot leave me here. Don't want me disturbing the peace," Shepard gave him a half smile. Garrus laughed openly, the sound rumbling deep in his chest. 

"You  _have_ been a handful from day one. Spirits guide me," Garrus removed his hand from her back. Shepard handed him her bag for him to stow away with the rest of his stuff. It was best she arrived at the ship empty handed, they both had talked about this. He took it with a smile of his own.

"I'll get the leash, we need to leave as soon as possible," Garrus said, adjusting his grip on the bag. Shepard hated the leash but it was a necessary evil if she wanted to leave with Garrus. She really did not want to be left alone in this space. So she nodded and he disappeared to get everything wrapped up for their departure.

  
\--

 

Nihlus met them at the boarding station, a grim look upon his face. It unnerved Shepard. He was one she could also consider an ally and a friend. They hadn't talked a whole lot while she'd been holed up in Garrus' flat. He had appeared a few times when Garrus was off on errands for his home planet. Short trips only a few days in length. Business as usual. Shepard never dwelled on what would happen if he was gone. Nihlus was aware of the friendship she'd built with Garrus. He did his best to also make sure Shepard was comfortable at home with Garrus as well. But there was something hanging in the air today that made her feel unnerved. 

Garrus handed Nihlus the leash and Shepard glared at her turian.

"Please take her to my quarters. I need to iron some stuff out here," Garrus didn't meet eye contact with Shepard. Nihlus wasn't helpful either, only offering an apologetic look. It was best for them to not communicate in the open amongst so many other soldiers so Shepard only followed. It was all in their best interest.

"Has he not told you yet?" Nihlus finally started talking once they were aboard the elevator.

"About what?" Shepard asked, arms crossing over her chest.

"The reason for the trip."

"He didn't say anything remarkable about it. Just that there were some errands to run. Should I be worried?"

"That is for him to discuss with you. I will talk later if you need it. But he should be the one to break the news," Nihlus gave her a look. Something akin to pity she imagined. Fear coiled in Shepards' gut. "For now please stay put, he will be with you shortly. Apologies."

Shepard only nodded, allowing herself to be deposited in Garrus' cabin. A lead weight sat on her chest and for a moment she wondered if she was going to suffocate.

What was going on? Garrus had been acting weird but Shepard had chalked it up to being told to be back on duty. Who knows what kind of stuff Garrus has to deal with. They really didn't talk much about personal details. Another thing that was left well enough alone, just like her feelings. 

 

* * *

 

Garrus did not return for a long while. It had worried her to no end and she had done nothing but pace while she awaited his return. When he walked through the door she immediately confronted him.

"What is the reason for this mission?" Shepard barked out, her voice steel. Garrus flinched away, guilt obvious on his face.  _What are you hiding?_

"What did Nihlus tell you?"

"He told me you'd tell me, now what's going on?"

"I have a few missions to undertake, there is some rising tension with Earth and..." Garrus looked uncomfortable for a moment. "And it needs to be dealt with."

"Dealt with..." Shepard echoed. What could be on Earth that would cause tensions for  _Garrus_ to deal with.

"There is a, high ranking official on Earth that is demanding a council. There was an incident. An important political pawn of theirs is missing," there was more not being said. Garrus shifted his weight and met Shepard's gaze.

"What part of that requires Nihlus to act so shifty?"

"You're the missing pawn, Shepard. There is a man on earth by the name of Kaidan Alenko that is demanding your return. Apparently there was a mistake when you were... _gifted_ to Sparatus."

"Alenko?" Everything was too much, there was too much. Kaiden was alive and he wanted her. Oh no no no ...

"Shepard!" Garrus grabbed her, keeping her from collapsing. He pulled her close and was vibrating with concern in that weird way he does.  _Subharmonics_ , Shepard reminded herself.

"Do they know I'm with you?" There was an uncomfortable silence and Shepard felt her heart trying to beat out of her chest.

"I'm sorry Shepard, I couldn't lie. I told them I had found you on the return mission. That I kept you safe since it wasn't...appropriate to just land on Earth to return you. They only know you are in my...custody."

"I cannot return to Earth, Garrus. I cannot go back to Alenko," tears were burning at Shepard's eyes. Garrus had a deeply concerned look written on his face.

"What did Alenko do, Shepard?" 

"I KILLED him!"

"You need to talk to me Shepard, what happened?"

_"Are you proud of yourself now Jane?"  Udina barked. Shepard was cuffed. Fuck that. Fuck him. Fuck all this. The room lit with a bright fluorescent light that burned at her eyes. The place was  bare except two chairs and a table between them._

_"Alenko was a threat to everything. He didn't listen. I needed to eliminate him."_

_"That wasn't in your jurisdiction,_ Commander _," Udina sneered. "This was bigger than you could've ever fucking imagined and now we have to come up with a second option. This fucking Turian Emperor or whatever the fuck they are  is coming here. You murdered the man that was going to be able to guide us to a victory. Now we need a second plan. We lost the support of an_ entire  _army because you couldn't shut up and play pretty trophy wife."_

_"I couldn't be the perfect fucking wife because he was a murderous, raging alcoholic. Not even you guys couldn't keep in fucking check. I got sick of it. I put up with it, every last bit of it. I played my part. He didn't. I regained my memories, my sense of self. He kept me bogged down but I snapped. It was me or him."_

_"It should've been you! You are worthless!" Udina slammed his fist down onto the metal table with a clang but Shepard didn't jump._

_"I gave my best show and tell, I gave him my feelings, I did everything I could because I was told it would better for us. And if Williams was a better commander than I, so be it. But I did my damned to curb that man. I did everything to the books but I refuse to give my life for someone so fucking selfish."_

_"Oh Shepard, what a shame it is. You are nothing important to anyone now. You killed the man that was your only tie. Your only saving grace. And now, we have a new perfect spot for you," the smile on Udina's face was chilling. Shepard couldn't help cringing away._

_"We have a new husband for you and he's not going to be as forgiving as Alenko was."_

"And they gave me to a turian, the one whom I could only assume was your Sparatus."

"Shepard," Garrus' voice had a soft lilt to it and Shepard sighed.

"It is what it is. I was a tool from the day I took part in the rebellion against you guys. I was never  important to them. And Alenko was just the wake up call. I was a treaty marriage, a high ranking official in the feeble little rebellion built up in Germany. We needed more and my alliance with the Persians was important, or so I was told. And now I am here," Shepard felt numb, removed from the situation. Garrus reached up and ran his gloved claws through her hair.

"Shepard I. I'm so sorry," he rested his forehead to hers and she stilled. She sighed, let out a breath, and relaxed.

"There is nothing to be done." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been over a year and finally, I have an update. My health had gotten the better of me and I have not been well enough to be writing. But I've wanted to finish this so here's so hoping we can get through this!


	13. Across Languages [Garrus]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I made some changes to CHAPTER 1, I recommend (if you haven't been binging this) taking a look at that for some context for how this plot will unfold). I made some continuity fixes to earlier chapters as well but I, for the most part, have made due with my grievous mistakes (I changed plot halfway through OOPS) and have just mushed it together with my new ideas for plot.
> 
> At this point I'm going to abandon the system for bolding and underlining words for different languages. If Shepard has some German quip I will make sure to denote it but at this point Shepard has a good enough grasp of the language (as you can tell). 
> 
> Hope you're enjoying what I've got so far and I'm excited to bring you the rest of what I've got in store!
> 
> \---------------------------------------------

He had wanted to give Shepard notice before he escorted her to the Citadel. He should have. Part of him didn't want her to put up a fight where he couldn't get her aboard the ship. But part of him also knew that she wouldn't make things difficult for him. 

They had  _something_ and whatever that was it had kept them from tearing each other apart in the past few months. It was terrifying. And they didn't talk about it. They avoided feelings like it was some kind of dance. And honestly, Garrus had never been great at this either.

Yet he couldn't deny softer feelings for his human. It was definitely a problem but also not worth the risk involved. Besides there had been a notice that Shepard was being looked for. This could be the end of whatever this was. Permanently. The idea send chills through his body.

Garrus had talked to Nihlus and they had both agreed it was best to handle this as proper military officials. Take this the council and let them decide the fate of their human. Shepard was important enough that the Council was now  _actively_ looking for her. Garrus couldn't afford to keep her hidden, especially if notices start popping up.

But Garrus did put it off until  _official_ word came in. He gave himself a few months. No one asked outright, there had been only rumors. And when things finally spilled through to his level his gut sank. He had to turn in his fiery, beautiful human.

And like any  _good_ turian would, he got in contact with a higher ranking officer and let her know of the situation. That he had found a human on shore leave that seemed to match the description of the human they were seeking. He, of course, left out the information about their relationship. That he'd been taking her under his wing. That was information that could be spared.

His commanding officer had asked for pictures. Then confirmed with him later that he would in fact need to bring this human to Council. Immediately. She left no room for argument and Garrus had no choice but to pack everything up and now...he was here.

Shepard hadn't talked to him the rest of the day. After their heart-to-heart Shepard had chose to curl up in his bed and hide. There was no point to pressuring her into talking when she wasn't ready to. They had a good 24 hours to get everything ironed out. He prayed it was it was enough.

 

\--

 

Tangled up in bed with her cradled in his arms, he never wanted to leave. His...affection for the human could be a hazard. Garrus had no idea what the council would have in store. Return her to the Primarch? Return her to Earth? Use her as a pawn? A playtoy? The ideas made his heart ache. As much as he didn't want to admit, he was so fond of his tiny human. Spirits guide him.

 

* * *

 

A delivery from the Council had started his morning after takeoff for the Citadel was cleared. They sent him a notice and a translator. Shepard spoke a language that would be compatible with this device. She had to wear it like an earpiece and he would be able to write the language to his omni-tool. They had requested that he make sure it was functional and to report back within the next few hours. 

Shepard was still asleep as Garrus started the download. English was the language here. It seemed it was one that was spoke often on the planet but not common in certain locations. He knew Shepard spoke at least two (now three) languages. He also assumed the Council had an inside source that told them. Garrus hoped it would work and so Shepard could work on speaking in...not turian to the Council. Despite the wide use of translators, he didn't want a Council Member to notice something off. Call him paranoid.

With a heavy weight in his stomach, he padded over to the bed.

"Shepard, I need you," he didn't like waking her from sleep but this needed to get done soon. He sat down on the edge of his bed and immediately started running a gloved talon through her hair. Something soft and soothing to wake her as well as he could.

"Garrus," she mumbled, curling up in a ball further to avoid being waken up.

"I need you up please. the Council sent me a translator for you and-" Shepard shot up out of bed, looking at him with wide eyes.

"A translator? I swore there wouldn't be a thing for that. You guys gave up on our weird language dynamic."

"Well yes, we didn't have the time to catalog _all_ your languages. We collected a few from the...initial contact. The letter from the council assured me this would work. My job is to confirm that and also to practice you not speaking my tongue. I don't want anyone to get any idea about...us."

"Yeah, that's pretty important," she hummed, leaning into the touch. "So where is it?" 

Garrus held up the tiny earpiece he'd been holding in his other hand. Shepard gave it a look before taking it from him. 

"Huh, tiny little thing for holding an entire language. I will never fail to be impressed by technology," Shepard gave it a once over before putting it into her ear. "And I'm assuming you have your part installed to your...whatever you use. I mean, this doesn't have a microphone."

"That is correct, go ahead and we'll see if it works," Garrus gave what he hoped was an encouraging smile. Shepard made a face and hesitated.

"Alright...it's weird, to speak English again. After months of Turian," she finally said. Her face scrunched up as though she tasted something bitter. His translator took only a brief moment to translate for him. 

"I imagine so," Garrus chuckled, moving his hand to take hers. She smiled, happy to take his hand in both of hers.

"Also weird to hear your voice translated to English. It's rather odd. I prefer how you sound in your native tongue. It sounds more natural," Shepard looked like she was carefully picking her words. He hoped the Council would blow it off as having not been talking for a few months.

"I need to file the report to the council. Confirm to them that it's working and that I'll let them know if something fails. We should be there shortly," Garrus moved to pull himself up from the bed. Shepard held his hands tight, a worried look on her face.

"Please stay. In bed with me, I mean," the vulnerable look in her eyes made his heart skip.  

"Well. Fine. Move over so I can sit with you then," Shepard only nodded and adjusted her position so he could lay down with her. She didn't make any further comments so he pulled up his omni-tool and made the quick report. There was nothing much else to do. His schedule was cleared for this, it was just a matter of facing the council.

"How are you feeling Shepard?" He wanted to know she was OK. If he was nervous about this it was probably thousands of times worse for her.

"To be honest with you, I'm fucking terrified. I don't know what they would want from me," Shepard's voice was soft. She had immediately defaulted to turian for this and something about that made his heart skip a beat.

"I've got your six, Shepard. We're going to get through this. I promise you that," there was a pause from his human. Garrus wondered briefly if he had said something wrong.

"Jane Shepard," she hesitated for a moment. "Shepard is my last name, I don't really use my first name, it feels odd. But if anything happens, that would be the name to look for me under. Well...full name. I cannot imagine many Shepards that look like me but I want to be safe...so you can find me if this all goes to hell."

"Vakarian. Garrus Vakarian. Glad to meet you. I promise I will find you if it all goes to hell, Jane," he adjusted himself so his arm was wrapped around his human. She happily wiggled close to him, accepting the warmth and comfort with joy. A soft humming noise left her lips that almost reminded him of his own subharmonics.

"I have not had someone call me by my first name since I was a child," she said softly, her breath tickling his neck. "I like how it sounds when you say it."

Garrus knew not what to say to that. And perhaps there was nothing more to say as Shepard was out like a light, happily curled up against him. They would be there soon and soon their fate would be decided.


	14. A Series of Unfortunate Events [Shepard]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright kiddies strap in for the final stretch of this fic. We should be landing soon. Also, enjoy the update, it's taken some kicking and screaming on my part to get it out.
> 
> Mature Adult Content in this chapter, just heads up. ;)

The Citadel was nothing like the rock Shepard had ended up on last time. Escaping the Primarch, avoiding capture, fighting for her life. It all seemed so far away. It seemed like a different life even, a different person. In reality, was she really the same person that her government had betrayed and sold off to a turian? It did not feel like it anymore. 

She had grown close to Garrus, learned his language and learned to  _trust_  him. Maybe that was her real mistake. Shepard had ended up in a comfortable friendship with someone she should've hated. And there was even more to her feelings than she would admit.

_I've got your six, Shepard. We're going to get through this, I promise you that._

All they shared, those moments spent together. Nights where they were tangled up in bed, kissing and enjoying the other's company. She had given him her first name even though she'd probably never see him again after this. Shepard couldn't just tell him though. Right now they were facing the beginning of the end.

Shepard felt dread settling in her gut like a lead weight. She wanted desperately to reach out and squeeze Garrus' hand for comfort. Anything to quell her thundering heart. Just a brief touch to make her feel more at ease before walking into this mess. But she couldn't. They couldn't comfort each other, there couldn't be any signs of familiarity. No one on this godforsaken rock could know about the friendship that kept them grounded and sane. 

But Shepard was in no way ready for whatever was in store for her. And frankly, she didn't want to go home. There was  _nothing_  on Earth for her. At least here there was  _something._ A sole companion among the rubble of her life. There was no going back though. Garrus had already radioed ahead to alert the Council of there arrival. All they had to do was dive straight in and hope neither of them royally fucked it up.

"You ready, Shepard?" Garrus asked, his voice low, eyes piercing into her. Shepard resisted the urge to shake her head and embrace him.

"As I'll ever be," Shepard make sure to speak in English. Don't want to give up the secret that she was fluent in the turian language. Garrus nodded.

"Then let's get over this. You just be yourself and try to keep from defaulting to my language," there was a mischievous tone in his voice. Shepard stifled the laugh and opted for a smile instead.  She was in in no way prepared for what was going to happen. Looking back on it, there wasn't any way she could have been.

 

* * *

 

Standing before the Council, Shepard felt her anxiety pulsing in her veins. There were three total aliens: a turian, an asari, and a salarian. They all looked as serious and stiff in their uniforms. A curious crowd was starting to fill the balconies above and Shepard felt like an animal in a zoo. She prayed this whole ordeal would be over soon.

"Commander Vakarian, thank you for your cooperation in this matter. You have done us a service in finding and returning Commander Shepard. There was a small misunderstanding in the handling of this issue," bird face spoke first. He looked almost uncomfortable standing there.

"Of course Councilor," Garrus sounded tense. How Shepard wished she could comfort him. Shit, everything was feelings so strained. It weighed on her like a wet blanket. The desire to flee was intense. Shepard wanted nothing more than to go and hide in the underbellies of the station.

"Commander Shepard, we want to start by apologizing to you," the turian turned his focus to her. Hopefully this wouldn't be just a one-on-one conversation. Shepard always tried her best to be a good diplomat but she tended to have a temperament. "This issue was not handled as well as we would've hoped.""

"Apology accepted, may I ask why I have been brought here instead of straight back to my home planet?"

"We are hoping to strike up a peace treaty," was all the turian offered. 

"When we tried to get in contact with one of your military officials, we were met with a brick wall. They would only negotiate if we had found you. Admiral Hackett insisted that first you understood the situation," the asari finally spoke. Her eyes bored into the solider and Shepard couldn't help but stiffen at the mention of her old boss. Things had gone to shit when Hackett hadn't been able to reason with the Persian military. They had wanted the best, they had wanted Shepard. She had been an icon to the rebellion: best at what she did and an excellent solider.  _Too bad her talents had gone to waste_.

"It also seems that you are a Prisoner of War on your home planet. By returning you to your military we have also agreed to leave your solar system in peace. This nonsense has dragged on enough. We do not need to get any more involved. We do not want what had happened with the krogans to repeat itself," the salarian added. Shepard had no idea what he meant by " _what happened with the krogans"_ but it wasn't something good. The other council members nodded in agreement and Garrus shifted his weight. 

But **prisoner of war**? That was in interesting way for Hackett to put it.

"Alright, so who will be escorting me back to Earth?"

"We have a small turian fleet that will be en route to your planet to transport troops back home. You will be on that ship, which should arrive here in no more than a week."

"Where will the Commander stay until then?" Garrus finally cut in. The council looked a little undecided for a moment before the asari spoke up.

"We hadn't expected her to show up this quickly. When we put out official notice Shepard's last known location was Omega. Hopes for recovery were not...the greatest. Commander Vakarian, would you mind watching over Shepard until then? Unless you have any issues with that, Commander Shepard." 

"It would not be a problem at all Councilor. Commander Vakarian has been quite hospitable on the trip here," Shepard immediately spoke up. She did not want to be shoved into a new environment. 

"Then it is decided. We will alert you when your ship has arrived," and with that, the meeting was adjured. Shepard stood there, feeling like her world was crumbling around her.

 

* * *

 

She did not know how they managed to make it back onto Garrus' ship in one piece. Everything was a blur as Garrus guided her back, anxiety and fear clouding her mind. Things got better when Garrus had scooped her up in his arms and taken her back to the bed. Curled up with the only friend she had left in the galaxy, it was too much. Shepard finally broke down. She sobbed, clinging to Garrus like he was all that was keeping her afloat. He rumbled words of comfort and held Shepard in his arms. 

"I don't want to go back," Shepard hiccupped, head throbbing and cheeks wet. 

"I know," Garrus hummed. He started carding his gloved talons through her hair, doing his best to console his friend. This was the end though, in a week there would be nothing they could do. Shepard would be aboard a different ship and they would never see each other again. 

The realization hit Shepard like a freight train and a new wave of sobs racked her body. She did not want to go home and lose this. There was nothing on Earth for her, everything she wanted was here in his arms. And what could she even do? Beg and cry to the council? Even Shepard knew the treaty would be best. It would give her home peace. She could rebuild herself.  Maybe she could find someone else.  That was less likely though. Perhaps she would be bitter and throw herself into whatever missions Hackett had in store for her. There were so many different ways this could go and Shepard felt lost. A single star among a sea of galaxies. She was drowning and there was no hope of survival. 

Garrus stayed with her, not daring move from the bed. He stayed, keeping Shepard company and trying to soothe her. And Shepard eventually got a hold of her emotions and let herself relax. She still ached at the core of her being but there were no more tears. This was the decision and the will of the council. There was no way she could beg for a change. The two of them danced a dangerous line, both with the council and with each other. Even if Garrus felt the same way, it would've save them. Nothing could.

So in the interest of the both of them, Shepard kept it locked up in her heart. There was no good in confessing. She would want Garrus to move on and forget anyway. There was no chance in hell that Shepard would be able to see him again. Once on Earth that was the last of it. There would be no more them and no more hopes of it. Shepard could decide to wait for the rest of her miserable life but she wanted Garrus to be happy.  _If you love something let it go._

 

Shepard ended up falling asleep, cheeks wet with tears and her head aching. The events of the day and her fit were draining and she couldn't stop herself from slipping into sleep. She awoke later with a jolt, her body panicking. Her friend's warm body was not in the bed. Everything came back abruptly and Shepard felt disoriented and panicked. Where had Garrus gone? How long had she been asleep?

"Hey Shepard you're alright. I'm right here," Garrus had sat back down on the bed and Shepard couldn't help but let out a nervous laugh. She chided herself for panicking at such a little thing. Shaking slightly, brought her hands to her face and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. Everything felt heavy and disconnected, like she was floating just outside of herself. What was waiting for her at home? What did Hackett have planned? What would she be walking into? 

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you," his rumbling voice cut through her thoughts. Garrus had a worried expression in his piercing blue eyes and Shepard wanted to hold him.

"You're fine, I just..." Shepard trailed off and ran her hands through her hair. What a mess she is, both inside and out.  "I need a shower."

"Well, just so happens that I'm in need of one myself. Care to join me?" There was a playful tone to his voice and Shepard couldn't help but smile.

"I would appreciate it. Don't know if I could use my own two legs if my life depended on it though," Shepard teased, an easy smile on her face.

"In that case, sounds like you need more than just help holding yourself up," Garrus gave a smile. He hesitated only for a moment before moving his body and scooping up Shepard. A blush crept across her face and she couldn't help but laugh. 

"You're too good to me, Garrus," Shepard sighed. Her arms wrapped around his neck and leaned her face against his chest. He was always so warm and Shepard wished she could stay with him forever.

"I do my best, Shepard," he hummed, crossing the room and opening the door with his hip. Thank the Gods for knob-less doors, the future is amazing. Garrus deposited her down on the counter and Shepard untangled her arms from his neck. While he turned on the shower and made sure it wasn’t scalding, she stripped herself of her clothes. Then, carefully, she pulled the translator from her ear and set it on the counter. She wouldn’t need it.

It felt good to strip free of her clothes and let herself relax. The steam curling up from the warm shower was amazing and here in this room it was only her and Garrus. 

Speaking of Garrus, he'd stripped his armour and piled it opposite the shower. He was looking at it as though it would provide him with the secrets of the universe. Poor guy, so much had happened in the past few months. Maybe Shepard could help reduce some of that stress.

“Hey there big guy,” Shepard purred, coming up behind him. He started when she put her hands on his hips before giving a small laugh. She was always so fascinated with Garrus’ waist. It was so tiny that Shepard could almost touch her fingertips together around it.

“Hello Jane,” he purred, turning his head to meet her eyes. It always shocked her when he was without his visor. Shepard remembered when she thought it was a permanent fixture on his face. But right now, it wasn’t about the shock of his face but her name on his alien tongue. It sounded rough and wonderful and it burned through her.

Shepard leaned up on tiptoes and pressed a kiss to the back of his cowl. Garrus hummed deep in his throat before turning to face her. He leaned down and did his best imitation of a kiss. All the legwork was up to Shepard though. Her soft lips pressing against him in ways he couldn’t reciprocate. But he did appreciate it, humming as his hands slipped to her hips, holding her.

When the kiss broke Shepard gave a wicked grin. She pulled his hands away and sunk to her knees, not hesitating to kiss the slit between his places. Her turian growled, talons gripping her hair and hips snapping to meet her lips. Shepard laughed, moving a little to the left to avoid getting hit in the eye when his cock sprung free. That mistake had already been made once when Shepard had gotten too eager one night. It was a great way to ruin the mood.

“Spirits Shepard,” he rumbled. 

With his cock free and Shepard black-eye free, she peppered the tip with small kisses. There was a lot of dick she couldn’t take but that was what hands are for. Her hand gripped him, not able to touch her fingers to her thumb. The girth was incredible and Shepard adored every inch. Garrus stood stock still, his body vibrating with pleasure. 

Shepard pressed more kisses to him before taking as much as she could in her mouth. That pulled a deep, reverberating sound out of him.  _Good_. Shepard set to work. She moved a hand down his cock when she slid her mouth down. Then following as she moved her mouth nearly off. Garrus was growling deep, hips dipping forward in shallow movements when she swallowed him. His talons pulled on her hair, urging for more as she set the pace. Her jaw ached after a few minutes but she pushed forward.

“Shepard,” Garrus tugged her hair, hips pulling back. Shepard obliged him, mouth coming off his cock with a  _pop_.

“Yes?” She peered up at him, emerald eyes meeting sapphire ones.

“Up,” the word came out demanding and Garrus froze. Shepard only gave an easy laugh and rose back to her feet. She pressed a kiss to his right mandible and smiled.

That was enough for him. Garrus wrapped talons around her thighs and hoisted her up. Shepard followed him easily, wrapping legs around his hips as he moved them the shower. Hands grabbed his cowl, gripping firmly as he pressed her against the tile wall of the shower. 

The warm water was a slight shock, feeling nice against her skin. A soft, pleased noise left her lips as she nestled her face into his neck. Shepard loved the feel of his skin, a soft texture tinged with the scent of earth and leather. Garrus rumbled deep, voicing his appreciation. His cock rested on her stomach, a solid weight as they drunk in each other's presence. Shepard adored this turian and ached to spend forever like this with him.

The peace lasted only a few short moments. Garrus gripped her thighs harder, earning a small yelp from the red head. She, as expected, wiggled up and away from his talons. Garrus followed her movements with a sharp eye. He guided her up, then yanked her down and back harder against the shower wall. Her back pressed nearly flush against the wall as he rammed every inch of his thick cock inside of her.

Shepard bit down on the juncture of his neck and shoulder to stifle her scream. It didn’t matter how many times they fucked or how many times he filled her. Every damn time she took his cock her mind swum. It was so much all at once and filled her in ways that made every nerve in her body sing. Shepard could feel it throbbing hot and hard inside of her, aching for more. It was dizzying and wonderful and it left her aching for him at the end of their playtime.

“ _Garrus_ ,” she whined, griping harder on his cowl. The turian growled deep in his chest and Shepard felt it resonate through her. His body pressed flush against her. For the most part his plates were smooth and it was a soothing warm touch to her wet skin. Her thighs would be chafed as usual but it did not matter now. Right now she wanted him to bite her and mark her, make sure she could never forget how excellent of a lover he was.

“Are your legs around me tight enough? I want to move my hands to your waist,” Shepard only nodded, tightening her legs as assurance. Garrus hummed and moved his hands to her waist. The pinpricks of his talons would usually be ticklish but right now her body ached for him to  _fuck her already._

“Please,” Shepard whined, wiggling her hips. She was at a disadvantage though. She had no leverage what-so-ever.

“What?” Garrus teased, pinning her right where she was.

“ _ **Fuck me, Garrus**_ ,” to punctuate the sentiment she bit him.  _Hard_. Garrus made a noise she couldn’t place and pulled his hips back, his cock pulling out to the just the head. She whined, but he ignored it. Instead, he pushed against her temple with his nose. When she looked up to ask what he was doing, he moved to nip at her shoulder and bring her back down onto his cock.

It was  _almost_  too much: the sharp feeling of his teeth, his cock sheathed in her again. She gripped his cowl harder and leaned her head up and left. Her cheek pressed against the cool tile and allowed more room for his teeth on her neck. Garrus took it as invitation and bit harder. He would draw blood sometimes and that was fine. Shepard had always been a sucker for biting but this was a wonderful thing a human couldn’t do. The razor sharp teeth pressed into her skin in a sharp and wonderful way.

Shepard relaxed her legs, trusting him to hold her up. Besides, she was pinned to this wall and neither of them were going anywhere. Garrus made a deep noise and adjusted himself. One last whine left Shepard's lips before he snapped his hips back up and bit down. Shepard could almost feel them break skin before he moved his face to a new spot.

Then,  _finally_ , Garrus’ control dropped and he fucked her. Wall cool against her back, his chest warm against her, teeth biting and marking her. His strokes were shallow but it meant he could fuck her faster. She was going to chafe like nobody’s fucking business. But in the moment with his cock stretching her and pushing her limits, it was wonderful.

Shepard found her first orgasm quickly, her jaw clenching to keep herself from screaming. But Garrus didn’t slow at all. If anything he fucked her harder as she clenched around his cock. He was growling deep, vibrating her body. Everything was so much and he was biting every inch of her that he could reach. Afterward her shoulders and neck would be covered in tiny puncture marks. A few would break skin but others would only stay for a day or so.

It wasn’t until she came again that he followed suit. His teeth sunk hard into her shoulder as he pushed into her one last time, filling her as full as possible.

“Fuck,” was all Shepard had for words. Garrus hummed in agreement and raised his head to meet her eyes. She took that as a sign to bury her face back into his neck, panting. Garrus only laughed, both of them relaxing under the cooling shower stream. After a moment, Garrus pulled her up and off his cock. A sigh left them both as he pulled out. Shepard was aching, her body sore and her mind still reeling.

“Let’s get you showered now,” Garrus murmured. She nodded, unwrapping her legs from his body. Her legs were wobbly but Shepard managed to stay upright. He kept her close, letting her rest most of her weight on him. The shower was turned up to make sure it would stay warm and she allowed him to wash her hair and body. There was something inherently soothing about letting someone else wash you.

 

* * *

 

Their last night together was somber. The two of them sat on the bed, no words to be spoken. Her heart ached as though there was a deep wound on it. They were trying to wrap up the last of their time together to give them both closure. 

It was in that moment that Shepard realized she was in love with him. She was _deeply_ in love with the turian who had saved her, protected her, and respected her. It burned her to the core and as he pressed the gift into her palm and tears rolled down her cheeks.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll give you guys a lil fluffy (+smut) chapter with Garrus as well before moving onto the more hard hitting stuff. Don't worry.


	15. End of the Line [Garrus]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> M rated for good smut. S(orrow) rated for suffering. Enjoy.  
> Also, praise be to [ToriLayne25](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ToriLayne25/pseuds) for being a wonderful beta!

_This was it. He was going to lose her._

Garrus held her after the council made their choice. He let her sob, hoping it helped. He did his best to comfort, hoping to soothe her pain. He hated to see his human hurt like this. Garrus couldn’t stand it, he wanted to do something. He wanted to fight for her, to build _something_ with her.

There was nothing to be done. And now with their separation imminent he realized how deeply he cared for her.

It struck him hard, a near physical blow.

He didn’t even know how to process it.

What could he even _do_.

The tiny human was curled up next to him, shaking to her core. Garrus wanted nothing more than to tell her it would be ok. But it wasn’t going to be. He wanted to lie, anything to soothe the aches. By the Spirits he wanted it to be ok. But they both knew better. They knew _so_ much better.

Nothing was ever going to be ok again.

So instead of lying and instead of offering any words, he stayed with her. Talons found her soft fringe and his subharmonics rumbled comfort. She couldn’t hear but it was a comfort to him at least. Anything to balm his own ache.

Jane Shepard. She entered his life like a bolt out of the blue. Standing in that alley, that day. Garrus couldn’t have even imagined that it would come to this. If you had told him that he would fall for a tiny human with a spark in her eyes, he would’ve laughed. The idea would’ve been something you would say after a round of drinks.

Yet here the fuck he was. Holding her close as though he would drown if he let go. Shepard was all he had left. She had become everything.

 _Spirits_. In the alley, her shock of red hair, a flame against a sea of greys and browns. It was suiting. She would burn him from the inside out destroying everything he knew.

 _Shepard_.

But instead of charred remains, she created something new. She burned like the comfort of a fire on a cold night. She left warmth and light. A beacon of something more. His voice on her tongue, her sparkling emerald eyes. Everything about her was _alien_ and wonderful.

And it was slipping through his talons like water. Garrus could try to fight it. He could keen and cry but he couldn’t keep her from leaving. The council would destroy him if they knew of any of this. The turian was sure of that, he could feel it in his gut.

 

* * *

 

After that night, after the shower, Shepard was quiet. The following morning she laid in bed. He didn’t know what to do, how to comfort. Shepard just laid in the bed, curled up as small as she could make herself. She didn’t talk to him, she didn’t eat.  

Garrus keened low in his chest. He couldn’t help if he didn't know what was wrong. It frustrated him, tore him up. Shepard was in pain. He wanted to make it better. But there was nothing to be done.

It was at his desk with the awful patch job that he got the idea. He hadn’t gotten a new one. Despite how perplexed and upset he had been, Garrus couldn’t bring himself to fix it. She had punched _fucking hole in his desk._ This morning he found it...endearing.

This would be his memory of her. But what could he give her to help her remember.

There was only one real answer. He was going to give her a gift. Something that she could hold, a memory of him.

It was selfish. Garrus wanted her to move on. Live a life without him, be happy and vibrate. But the deep, possessive part of him wanted--needed--her to remember. He didn’t want to fade away into the backdrop of her mind. The idea made him ache.

It took him a while to figure out what he was going to gift her. He wanted it to be special, to be important.

But maybe he shouldn’t…

She may even just throw it away. Wash herself of this entire incident.

Shepard was going to be gone **forever**. It wasn’t fair for him to make her relive these memories. Keep this wound open and raw.

Maybe she didn’t even care about him the same way. Garrus had never talked about it with her. They danced around each other, never speaking about it aloud. She made it clear she cared...but how deeply? They fucked sure. They spent nights curled up in bed together. He protected and cared for her. But how much did _she_ care?

There wasn’t any way of knowing. He couldn’t pressure her into talking about something so heavy. Not now. Not with her falling apart at the seams.

Spirits though, Garrus wanted to believe he was special. That he was important. _That he mattered to her_.

Garrus wanted a future with her. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Devoted, dedicated, _domestic_ even.

But any goddamn hope of that was in ashes. Garrus would let her go and she slip through his hands.

 _He would never see her again_.

She would disappear and he would be left an empty shell.

After a fire you have only charred remains, no matter how brilliant and beautiful it had been.

Garrus ended up deciding on his visor. He would need to have a replacement immediately. Shepard couldn’t know until the last day. So he put in an express order. Docked here at the Citadel he would get it near immediately. It would pain him to dismantle his visor but it would be for the best. He would fashion it into a necklace for her to wear. Garrus hadn’t ever adorned his own neck but a few female turians would do it. After a few moment's thought he put in an express order for a metal chain.

He would have it done soon. For now he rose from his desk and joined his love. Garrus would never say it, a private comfort. He wouldn’t take anyone else. No one would ever match her. Her fire, her smile, her brilliant grace. That was ok.

Garrus would carry her memory to his grave.

Armour was peeled away and he settled in bed next to her. A soft sigh left her as his arms wrapped around her.

For now he could protect her. Here in the moment he protects her. Right now, there was nothing but his love for her. The rest of his day would be spent holding her. Anything to make her feel the slightest bit better.

Garrus prayed to the Spirits it was helping.

He just didn’t want to see her hurt.

 

* * *

 

Shepard did get better. After their day in bed, she ate. Small bites but it was something. They joked, she smiled, his heart danced in his chest.

Garrus was glad they wouldn’t be spending the next few days in sullen silence. He couldn’t bear it.

As anticipated his order was delivered quickly. Shepard was curious and he just barely got to kept the secret. He needed it to be a surprise. Even if she threw it out later. Garrus just needed to give it to her with no room for arguing. He couldn’t have handled her rejection.

“You know I don’t appreciate secrets,” she pouted. Shepard’s arms were crossed over her chest, bottom lip stuck out. It never ceased to amaze him the things she could express with her face. But without subharmonics it was reasonable to have such a variation.

“Can I perhaps make it up to you?” Garrus’ hands went to her waist, pulling her in. Shepard’s expression melted into a smile, laughter bubbling out of her.

 _She was radiant_.

“Perhaps you can, big guy,” her eyes sparkled. What was it with her today? Sure, Garrus had _noticed_ her before. He’d fucked her, explored her body. Garrus was sure he knew every inch of her. But all at once there was so much more.

_I love you Shepard._

The thought hummed in his chest. It sparked feelings he had desperately tried to smack down. All these days and somehow this was something _more_. Shepard had a soft expression, her smile gentle and kind. His heart was going to escape from his chest at this rate. He wondered faintly if she could hear it.

There were no more words. Garrus pulled her close and rested his forehead against hers. She stiffened at the foreign gesture but relaxed into it after a moment. The breathy laugh that left her made his stomach flip. The feeling of her warm breath against his cowl was _intimate_.

He didn’t fucking understand. They had fucked. This wasn’t new. Nothing was new about what they were doing.

And yet it was. There was something between them that neither of them was addressing.

The raft that had been keeping him from drowning pulled him into the depths. He was drowning, water filling his lungs.

And he never felt so thankful for it.

It had only lasted a moment. Shepard pulled away and grabbed his hands. Garrus let her lead, awestruck by how _vibrant_ she was.

_Not just a fire. A burning inferno. Blazing brilliantly against the inky darkness of space._

He was putty in her hands. She pushed him onto the bed, grinning mischievously.

_Brilliant. Radiant. Wonderful. Beautiful._

The breath nearly left his lungs as his back met the bed. She stripped with grace, peeling off the layers with ease. Now he had too many clothes on.

“Shepard. I think we missed something,” he teased. She laughed at this.  A deep wonderful laugh and Garrus wanted more of it.

“Looks like we did. Come up here,” her grin was full and beautiful. He let her help him up. Once on his feet Garrus stripped as quick as his talons let him. He swore he was shaking.

“I’ve got you, Garrus,” Shepard must’ve seen it. Caught his nervousness like a thresher maw catches unaware soldiers.

 _I trust you Shepard. You would never betray me. I trust you with my_ life _._

She pushed him down again. They shared laughter as he tumbled. Something was sparking between them and it was burning him alive. If it wasn’t the most warm and wonderful thing he’d ever felt he would cry out. Garrus would be reduced to ashes but at her hands he found he didn’t mind.

 _I love you. I love you. I love you. Shepard._ **Jane** _._

She straddled his hips, movements fluid and familiar. His cock was already hard and aching for her. His talons moved to her hips and she leaned in the kiss him.

Her lips always startled him. No matter how many times she pressed kisses to his mouth he would be shocked. She near literally pulled the breath out of his lungs.

_A burning star. He was caught in a supernova._

Garrus gripped her harder as she adjusted herself. Shepard was already wet. Spirits. She _wanted_ him. It sent a possessive spark through him, rolling down his spine.

He gripped her hips and pulled her down onto his cock. She let out a startled moan. Her eyes lost focus as she adjusted. Garrus would also never get used to how tight she was. It made sense, she was _tiny_. Still surprised him. It felt so good. She felt like heaven. Warm and tight and wet. Her body wanting, _desiring him._ Her spine arched, her chest pressing into him. Garrus growled low and deep, practically vibrating as she panted against his neck.

They stayed like that for a moment. He didn’t want to overwhelm her.

He didn’t want this to be over. Garrus wanted to make this last. Spirits he never wanted to let her go. Dig his claws in and hold her forever.

_Stay. Stay. Shepard I could give you so much. Please. Don’t go. Please._

Eventually she pushed herself upright, sitting atop him with poise. Spirits he would never _not_ enjoy this view. Garrus eased his grip and rumbled deep. It wasn’t often she rode him. Usually he took her. Shepard loved it. She would tease him enough to get that fierce, predatory reaction.

He loved seeing her like this. Garrus soaked up every inch of her. She was beautiful like this, red hair framing her face, her body soft and supple. Yet just underneath there was muscles, firm and toned. A soldier that could take him in a fight. He imagined she would be beautiful hand to hand. She was fierce, fast, and ruthless. He'd seen it.

Shepard moved effortlessly, hands gripping his waist as she rode him.

_Radiant. Brilliant. Beautiful. Dangerous. Radiant. Wonderful._

He was a mess. His brain couldn’t take it in. There was too much, she was too much.

_Shepard._

Garrus sunk in his claws again, this time earning a breathy moan. She picked up speed. It was so much. Everything was too much.

_You’re in love. You’re at her mercy. She could destroy you._

Shepard was panting, her chest heaving. She was so goddamn beautiful. Everything about her in this moment was perfect. There had never been anyone more perfect.

 _She was the most beautiful art piece. Something to be revered and treasured_.

Shepard was digging her blunt nails into his waist, her head leaned back as she rode him hard. His hips were snapping up to meet her. Their breaths were in sync. Everything about this was _perfect_. She was an angel. There was nothing in this world that could convince him that she wasn’t more than human.

_Ethereal. Lethal. Beautiful. Radiant. Perfect. Wonderful._

“Shepard,” he whined deep in his chest. Garrus couldn’t last much longer. The feelings were overwhelming, all the nerves in his body alight.

“Cum for me, Garrus,” she gripped him as hard as she could. His vision was swimming.

_Too much. Not enough. Too much. Not enough._

_Shepard. Shepard. Shepard. Shepard._

He took the reins. Garrus gripped her hard, almost enough to break skin. She was making the most beautiful noises above him. Everything was perfect. He pushed into her, moving her body in time with his thrusts. She was repeating his name as though it was the only thing keeping her afloat. Her body was flushed and gleaming with sweat.

_Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect._

Garrus came hard. His world crashed around him. Shepard followed, his name a prayer on her lips.

They settled into a comfortable silence. She slumped against him, pressing her body against his. Her breaths were ragged as she tried to get enough air into her lungs.

He released her hips and moved his talons to her hair. She was slick with sweat but she had never been more beautiful.

“Thank you,” she finally whispered. Garrus was startled at the sudden words.

“For being there for me. For not being a giant fuckhead. For everything you’ve done,” was she crying? He swore he felt her tears but her breathing was still even. Garrus held her tighter, his talons still running through her hair.

From this angle he couldn’t see her face.

“Of course. Anything for you,” the words left him before he could stop them. Garrus stiffened, wondering if she would read into them. He needed to recover. “You have shown me so many wonderful things. You’ve been a wonderful friend to me. Thank _you_.”

Shepard hummed, nuzzling her face against his neck.

“I am glad to have shared these months with you. I will miss you.”

“And I will miss you.”

 

* * *

 

This was their last day. The message had come through from the Council at 0500. The ship was arriving in 24 hours.

Garrus was in no way prepared.

One week. Seven days.

It hadn’t been enough.

He managed to get his little project done while Shepard slept. It been too early but he couldn’t sleep. Hell, Garrus hadn’t been able to get proper sleep at all in this week. He was too strung up and only wanted to soothe Shepard. She was everything to him. Right now, he could devote his whole world to her. It seemed as though Shepard had been able to sleep at least. He was glad.

He also managed to get his new visor working even better than his other one. A small comfort. It was the same design, nearly identical, but there was small upgrades in hardware. He carefully pocketed the gift as Shepard stood from their bed.

It was amazing to see what difference seven days had meant. Garrus had done his best to stifle his feelings and now he couldn’t stop them. He was helplessly in love with this soft human. Her curves, her smile, her fringe. Everything about her inspired poetry.

When did he get so sappy? Spirits guide him, he was a disaster.

“Morning,” Shepard grinned at him. Garrus returned the smile. The human walked across the room to stand by the desk. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“No. I got the message from the Council this morning. Your ship is arriving early tomorrow,” Garrus flexed his talons. He looked up to Shepard but her expression was unreadable.

“I see,” her vocalizations gave nothing away either. Something in Garrus’ chest sunk. Had he said something wrong? Should he have waited to break the news?

“Yea,” he didn’t know what else to say. What should he say? There was nothing that was going to make this easier.

“Breakfast?”Her voice was clipped, sharp. Garrus kept himself from flinching.

“Yea, we can do breakfast,” Garrus stood from the desk. “Are you ok Shepard?”

The human met his eyes before sighing deeply.

“No.”

She left it at that. No follow up. Nothing more.

“Anything I can do?

Shepard hesitated.

“Breakfast,” she broke eye contact. Garrus looked away. Tension settled between them. Breakfast first then.

 

* * *

 

Breakfast was a silent affair. Garrus sat on the sofa and Shepard on the edge of the bed. They were only feet apart but it felt like light-years. He wanted desperately to bridge the gap between them. All he had to do was reach out and pull her into his arms. He could hold her and protect her. Maybe they wouldn’t notice if she didn’t show up.

 _As if_.

Shepard was glaring at her food like it could provide the answers of the universe. Garrus wished he had those answers. Anything to make her smile. Anything to soothe the wound on his heart.

 _Anything_.

Garrus tried to focus on his meal. He wanted to keep himself from looking at her. To shove down the desire to soothe and comfort her. Anything to draw him away from the crushing reality of the situation.

But the food was tasteless and Garrus had no appetite. He set the food down by his foot and sighed. Shepard startled, pulled out of her own thoughts. Then a short laugh escaped her.

She was nervous. Garrus was glad he wasn’t alone in that feeling.

He extended his hand out to her. She moved her food aside and took it. She seemed to relax immediately.

“I just don’t know what’s waiting for me, I can’t do this. I don’t want to. I know I’m safe with you. I don’t know if I’ll be safe if I go home,” a troubled look crossed her face. Garrus squeezed her hand gently.

“I believe in you. You’re strong, I know you’ll figure it out. You’ll make it safe,” Garrus assured her, hoping it was the right thing to say. Shepard smiled, squeezing his hand back.

“I hope so. Maybe I’ll see you again,” there was a deep sorrow in her eyes. Garrus wanted to make it go away. He just wanted to see her happy.

“I would like,” he moved his thumb in small circles on the back of her hand. “I would like that a lot.”

 

* * *

 

Five hours.

He only had five hours.

Shepard had napped during the day. Garrus had joined her. He didn’t get much sleep but it was soothing to lay next to her. There was comfort in getting to just...lay with her. To watch her steady breathing as she slept. He wanted nothing more than to protect her.

But she would be fine, he was sure of that. Shepard was strong, resilient, and stubborn. Of course she would have her softer side. Garrus felt blessed that he was able to see this side of her.

Right now though they sat on the bed, looking anywhere that wasn’t the other. Facing the end was harder than he could’ve ever imagined. He was holding the necklace in the palm of his hand. Shepard had stifled a sob when she saw it.

Garrus loved Shepard. He would love her until the end of his days. No one could ever compare to her brilliant light. It wouldn’t be worth his time to chase anyone.

Nothing could match Shepard’s brilliance. He was fucked. Plain and simple.

He took a deep breath, trying to find words. There wasn’t anything to say. What could he even say? There was nothing he _could_ say to make this easier.

Shepard finally met his gaze. She looked defeated. Garrus reached out with his empty hand to cradle her face. A soft sob escaped her as he did.

Her hands fidgeted in her lap. He ghosted a talon across her cheek.

After a moment he extended the necklace to her and pressed it into her empty hands. She immediately curled her fingers around. Tears rolled down her cheeks, silence sobs wracking her body.

 _I love you. I always will. Be safe_.

He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t bring himself to voice it.

So they sat in silence. Neither of them daring to speak.

 


	16. [kicks down door] GUESS WHO'S BACK

So I had put this down for what is about a year now. I'm here again though. I'm in a better place than I've ever been and I'm doing _good._ I am wanting to finish this. I loved writing this and I just let my depression drag me. You guys have been so lovely to me and this fic. I'm not entirely sure where I'll take it because I haven't touched this in a year. There's probably gunna be a bit of a weird time skip so I can get to an end that I want. For those who are going to be up for my resurrection of this writing welcome! I have missed writing so much. 

 

I am trying to do an update a week. l'm in college full time and work part time so I cannot make promises. But I am dedicated to finishing. I have some plans and will try to get out an actual new chapter here by Thursday. I look forward to both new and old readers. I'm so delighted to be back.


	17. The Distance Between Us [Shepard]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your words of support. I have drafted out the ideas for the ending of this fic. I have a lot to tie up and a satisfying ending to write. We are three chapters from the finish. This took me longer than I expected it to and I hope you forgive me. I accidentally ended up writing an entire fic within the fic. Enjoy!!

Within hours, Shepard's life had turned upside down. Less than two hours ago she was living with Garrus. Now she was aboard an Alliance ship with a sinking feeling in her chest. Admiral Hackett oversaw the process and had plenty to say about the situation.

Shepard wanted nothing to do with him. The soldier felt exhausted, broken, and hallow. Everything she had was ripped away from her. It wasn’t fair, as childish as it sounded. Shepard worked hard, yet this is how life repaid her. All she wanted was some peace.

“Shepard, I am glad to have you back. The Alliance has missed you. What you’ve done has been very important. I am sorry for any ill feelings between you and the Alliance. We never intended to hurt you.”

Hackett was unreadable. There was no tone in his voice, his body language gave away nothing, and his expression was as blank as stone. Shepard laughed, her eyes filling with mirth. There was nothing better than this.

“You guys fucked me over and here we are. All you offer is a weak apology? You ruined my life over and over and this is what I’ve got out of it. A half-assed apology from a coward of an Admiral.”

“Shepard,” Hackett started again, ignoring her outburst. “Listen it’s best that it’s all kept quiet.”

_Keep quiet about everything._ Shepard felt her blood run cold.

“After everything you’ve put me through, you want to sweep it under the rug? You sell me off, leave me for dead, don’t even bother trying to find me," her voice was low, her expression steeled. "You abandoned me. You hoisted your mistakes onto my shoulders. I did nothing wrong! Sure, I was part of a rebellion, but this is inexcusable. Your military twisted my arm and forced me to be part of something I wanted nothing to do with! I’m glad you guys could use me _again_ to fix your goddamn issues. But I’m tired and I don’t want anything more to do with the Alliance. You’re on your own.”

“Now Shepard…” Hackett’s voice took on a condescending tone. Shepard had had enough of this fuckwit.

“ **NO!** ” Shepard hardly ever yelled, but it was called for now. Hackett recoiled, and the crew turned around to watch the commotion with wide eyes. "I want nothing further to do with you. And I mean it. If you want to keep my quiet, you let me walk away. There is nothing in the world I want more than to put this behind me. You ruined everything for me. I have nothing left to my name because of you.

I may not be able to prove much but it's guaranteed there is someone who will consider it. There's always someone waiting to prove our military is corrupt. We're on the edge of an international war. Everything you've done is bound start something. So, keep me quiet and let me go home. I want to heal from everything you put me through. I have never been so exhausted in my life."

Shepard turned and stalked away before letting him respond. He could shove his response where the sun doesn't shine. There was nothing left for her here. She deserved at least some human respect after this all.

***

 

After arriving on earth, Shepard was further reminded of everything she didn't have. Garrus was lightyears away and she was alone with no one to turn to. The soldier, after all she went through, was silenced and left to rot. No place to call home, no family to return to, forced to rebuild from scratch. The Alliance gave her an “honorable discharge” on her file and a large payment to assure her silence.

At least she didn’t have to worry about starving to death. First things first she needed a place to live. It was a pretty easy decision. Shepard had grown up in Germany, right in the capital. For her it was the closest she would ever get to home again.

The flat itself wasn’t that bad: small but well stocked with essentials. She had no interest in a large place, Shepard was one person with very few needs. One bedroom, one bath, enough room for the essentials, and a decent kitchen. While the bedroom and kitchen were one room it was very spacious.

Being back in this city felt wonderful. The bustling German city was her home town. She had grown up under the shade of the skyscrapers and hover cars. For her, this was the one place she knew well and felt safe in. It would’ve been better if her mothers were there to welcome her home.

Shepard would need to rent herself a vehicle to get some essentials. There was nothing to her name, she didn’t even have clothes other than what she came with. The Alliance had confiscated everything from her. They deemed it all evidence to an ongoing investigation. Shepard was certain it was because they wanted to demean her further.

The idea of owning a vehicle didn't appeal to Shepard. Even though she could drive, it was a personal expense she preferred to avoid. There was city transit when needed and groceries could be delivered. Worst comes to worst she could rent a car for a day. For her it had never been an issue and saved a lot of money in the long run.

But today was a day for driving. She called for a car to come pick her up from her new apartment. There were many stops she needed to make. Shepard needed clothes, food, toiletries, blankets, and furniture. But before that she needed to visit her parents.

Shepard had been born into the foster system. She never knew her birth parents and she was content for it to stay that way. At fourteen no one cared to take her in. Parents wanted a child to coo over and Shepard was well past that age.

The two women were well into their forties when they adopted the teen. Shepard was baffled by this. What did they see in her that would be worth giving them even more gray hairs?

But they won Shepard over with their unrelenting patience and kindness. With so many years of life experience between them, they knew how to handle anything. Shepard found a home with them. She fell in love with the women as a child would with their maternal parents. While they hadn’t given Shepard the miracle of life, they gave her the miracle of a good upbringing. They were adamant in their love for Shepard, refusing to give up on her.

Her mothers were buried outside of town. Shepard hadn’t visited them in far too long and that was one of her first stops.

Their love and warmth having been a buoy in her life. Despite medicine as it was neither woman believed in lengthening their lives. They believed it was best to live out your years as was intended. Shepard respected that about them. But Shepard wished so hard they were still here with her. Nothing would've been better to come home to them after this mess.

 

**

  
The cemetery was well kept and had this peaceful air about it. Shepard knew how to get to her parents’ headstone by heart. It was a well-worn path; one Shepard had taken many times over the past half-decade.

They share a headstone. It was a simple thing, the words “Love has no boundaries and will carry on through death” carved into it. Some plant life had started growing up the stone, but Shepard didn't bother cutting it away. It felt like suitable decor.

“Hey,” Shepard plopped down in front of the headstone, sitting with her legs folded. “I miss you guys. You wouldn’t believe what I’ve been through.”

A wind kicked up, blowing Shepard’s hair into her face. The woman made no move to brush it away.

“I know you had reservations about my life in the military and you were right. Sometimes I wondered if it was better off if I hadn't joined. It has been an absolute mess and I'm so exhausted."

More silence. The wind blows up leaves and Shepard stares at her hands. Her heart aches and it feels hard to breath. She was still hurting from her loss. She never gave herself time to grieve. Now that she was home, she could gift herself that time. Shepard could start a new and better life.

“I met someone. You guys would’ve liked him. I'm sure he would’ve liked you too.”

Tears welled up in Shepard’s eyes and her chest tightened more. She took a deep breath before continuing.

“His name is Garrus. In the worst time of my life he treated me with kindness and respect. But there’s a catch, there always is. He’s currently several lightyears away on a different planet. He’s turian but he’s handsome in a way that even I’m surprised by. I know the first contact wasn’t great but I'm certain not all turians are monsters. Garrus was charming in his own way.”

Shepard took another few deep breaths as hot tears rolled down her cheeks. “The Alliance fucked me over, but I saw so many things. Reflecting on it I learned a lot out there. But now I don’t know what to do. I want you here, so you can give me advice. You always knew the best answer for these things.

Laura, you were so kind and gentle. Anna, you were the fiery passion. You put these traits into me and that is what has carried me to where I am now. It hasn’t been great, but the experiences were worth it.”

Shepard was talking herself in circles, but it didn’t matter. Her parents were listening, that she was sure of.

“I would’ve liked to introduce you to him. He loved me in a way that was so alien but so familiar. I would’ve loved to stay with him. I could even bring him back to Germany. He shared his home and his life with me. I would like to return the favor. But now I won’t even see him again. I don’t even get to come home to your cooking Anna. You made the best cookies and even with the recipe it’s not the same.

I’m stuck here but at least I have you guys. It’s not perfect but it’s something.”

Shepard leaned in and wrapped her arms around the headstone. Her cheek met the cool stone and she let herself cry.

**

The first stop was a nearby department store. She needed clothes more than anything. In fact, she needed to replace her entire wardrobe. Shepard didn’t care for fashion, so it was straightforward. There was a list of things she needed: basic shirts, pants, shoes, socks, underwear, a few sports bras. With the time she liked spending exercising she didn’t ever find a need for underwire bras or anything of the like.

Once she got her sizing down it was straight forward. Everything she got was spartan. Nothing about it stood out and Shepard didn’t mind. There was no one here she was trying to impress.

She moved methodically through the other filler items. Toiletries, miscellaneous household necessities, anything that struck her as something she needed. It was nice not having to worry about a budget. She could drop thousands upon thousands without making a dent on her new fortune. The Alliance had been serious about shutting her up.

There were a few pieces of furniture she wanted. A mattress of her own picking was at the top of the list. Shepard stepped out of the department store with a cart full of items. She loaded her purchases, left the cart, and climbed back into the car.

The furniture trip was the longest of them. While Shepard wasn’t looking for anything specific she did want things to look nice. The mattress was the most difficult choice. She had almost too many choices but settled on one that was soft but gave her back support. Everything picked out she ordered it through their online kiosk. Most of it was gym equipment, a tv, a couch, to name a few. She also picked out blankets and pillows for her bed, and shuffled out of the store. It was starting to hit sundown and she still had to buy food. As if agreeing her stomach let out a low growl.

For the first time since departing the Alliance ship, Shepard laughed. Her hand went to the necklace Garrus gave her. It was his visor, he had bought a new one, so he could give this to her. She had no need to wear it, preferring her interfaces on larger screens. But the chain looped in such a way that she could at least plug it into a monitor and flip through the files. Garrus had told her there were things for her on there, but she didn’t want to go through them now. She needed a day without the reminder that he was gone.

  


**

  


Unloading everything wasn’t difficult, just time consuming. After lugging everything from the car to her flat she dismissed the vehicle.

Food was top priority, she had bought enough for the next week. It wasn’t much but it was enough. She had also made sure to pick up a bottle of brandy as a housewarming gift. Although that was left on the counter for another night.

After making sure the food got put away she went to the bedroom. Shepard swapped the pre-furnished mattress with her new one and made the bed. It felt empty, but it was also suiting for Shepard to furnish her apartment further. This was a new home for her and it needed to _feel_ like one.

Her stomach growled yet again, reminding she still hadn’t eaten. Shepard ignored it, feeling far too heavy to do much more today. Food could wait, her clothes could wait, right now sleep was calling for her. She ached to her very bones. Everything could wait. Right now, she wanted to enjoy the comfort of her new blankets.

**

  


The first few days with no responsibilities was nice. Shepard could take time to adjust to her new living situation, she could take time to take care of herself.

A nearby gym became her second home. Being able to exercise again felt wonderful. As much as Shepard hated admitting it, she was out of shape. Being confined to one space for so long had driven her mad. Garrus was the only reason she didn't completely lose it.

But her empty schedule got boring after a week.

Shepard felt restless. She wanted to do more. While going to the gym was nice there needed to be _more._ Spending her time doing the same thing over and over was maddening. While there was no need for the money she needed a job.

Going back to the military wasn't even an option. Instead, she could work local security. The idea of working for a police force made her stomach churn but there were other opens.

A private security firm would be her best option. She could be hired off as a temporary security guard for companies or as a personal bodyguard. It not only kept her busy but meant something new every occasionally. It would be the breath of fresh air Shepard needed.

And she was very qualified for a job like that. Her military background would be outstanding when job hunting.

In fact, it proved more effective than she anticipated. Job offers came easy with her qualifications. The pay was moderate, but she didn't need it. A source of income was never truly a bad thing. She learned how important a nest egg was from her mothers.

The company she hired on with was Citadel Intergalactic Security. It's main operating hub was on the Citadel but had several locations on a variety of planets. Their earth location was recent. It wasn't surprising, granted the history Earth had with the rest of the galaxy. Tensions were slowly unwinding. It would take a long time before the rift was healed.

None of that mattered to Shepard right now. She had her own life to piece together.

 

**

  


Shepard's first day of work was a bit nerve wracking. Despite feeling confident she knew she shouldn't get too cocky. That was bound to get you in trouble. Her boss turned out to be a veteran of the military and quite the person. The older lady introduced herself as Lieutenant.

Lieutenant was a bulky woman, standing at well over six feet. She had more muscle than Shepard was sure she knew what to do with. She looked like someone who could snap you in half with ease. But she had a warm personality and an air of causality. Shepard felt an immediate kinship with the older woman. This job almost felt like coming home.

  


"It's great to meet you, Shepard. Your resume was outstanding. I'm excited to see what you can do on the field," Lieutenant reached out her hand and Shepard met her for a handshake. Her grip was firm but not crushing. This woman meant business and the mischievous glint in her eye made her look ten years younger.

"We've got a job lined up for you starting tomorrow. You'll be shadowing under Emily Hinesburg. She doesn't look like much, but the girl has quite the bite on her. Better watch out," Lieutenant laughed at her joke and Shepard let herself show a half smile. She was going to enjoy this job very much.

Lieutenant reached into a drawer and grabbed a bundle. She dropped a uniform and a data pad down in front of Shepard. "Uniform should fit, I appreciate you giving your sizing. All the information is on that data pad. Keep it safe, it'll be your lifeline with this job. All the information for your jobs and all correspondence will be through this. Generally, this is the only time you'll be at the office here. Usually you'll end up here for conversations that are too sensitive to bring up over data pad."

"Thank you very much, Lieutenant," Shepard smiled.

  


"You're very welcome, kid. Take care out there," Lieutenant saluted to her and Shepard returned the gesture.

 

**

 

The first gig was straightforward. A new store opened recently and needed security while looking for permanent positions. There had been a break in the previous night. When the police had arrived, it was too late. Bad for business the owner had said. Although it was an oversite on his part, at least in Shepard's opinion.

It was a three-week gig comprised of graveyard shifts. Shepard's sleep schedule would be non-existent at the end of it, but it was worth it. She was getting restless at home.

Shepard arrived at the store front to meet her partner. And Lieutenant was right, Emily was...something else. She was shorter than Shepard by a head and looked harmless. She had short dark brown hair and wide hazel eyes. There were no visible scars anywhere and in her uniform, you couldn't see any defined muscles.

She looked like you could take her in a fight.

_Look out for her bite._ Lieutenant hired her for a reason. Shepard was curious to find out that reason.

  


"Emily Hinesburg. Pleasure to make your acquaintance," Emily's voice was as light as sunshine. She couldn't be any older than thirty, early thirties if anything.

"Jane Shepard. But please call me Shepard," Emily had stuck out her hand and Shepard met it. The shorter woman's grasp was firm and solid. Shepard was hoping for the chance to see her in action but hoping for trouble was bad luck.

"So, there's nothing particularly exciting about these stints. Just hang out in case of trouble. Before my previous partner transferred we would spend these nights playing cards. Only had to take down a guy once or twice on one of these nights," she grinned with her teeth, the smile reaching her eyes.

"We get paid to just waste time in a store? So, it's an easy paycheck?"

"Pretty much! It's a nice lull from the more intense jobs. Glad Lieutenant assigns us to a partner. It would be too dull otherwise," Shepard nodded her agreement. "But now to deal with the job itself. Come on."

Emily led Shepard into the store where the owner greeted them. He was a young, slender man with a serious face.

  


"Are you the people from the security company?" He raised an eyebrow as though not convinced.

"We are, sir," Emily's voice was steady, dropping into a professional tone.

"Alright. Well, your superior said you would know what was going on. Please try to watch things," the owner gave Shepard a once over and then Emily. "If someone tries to break in try not to make too much of a mess but do what you must."

"Of course, sir. We understand that and will keep your store safe and clean," Emily gave the owner a smile.

"Thank you again, have a good night. Here's an extra set of keys," the man handed over a small keyring to Emily before excusing himself. He dimmed down for the night and Emily and Shepard began the shift.

"What we do first before anything is make sure the store is secured. It seems like common sense, but I've had some rookies who don't know their head from their ass. It's rather irritating," Emily turned to the ex-solider, eyebrow quirked up. "Speaking of, what's your background Shepard?

"Oh, I'm ex-military. Left because I was unhappy with how they treated me. I picked up this job because I was getting stir crazy," Shepard explained.

"Well sounds like you know what you're doing! I debated enrolling into service, but it never appealed. Private security felt more intimate. Like I was doing more to protect people," Emily shrugged. She confirmed that the last door locked right and rolled her shoulders.

"That's pretty fair. I don't recommend working for any level of military. It's not as glamorous as they make it out to be."

"Figures. Thanks for the heads up," Emily stretched her arms above her head and sighed. "Well, that is that."

"Now what?"

"Glad ya asked Shepard. Ever play Skyllian-five?"   


**

Shepard acclimated quicker than she had expected. Six months. Six months was all it took for her to get comfortable in the rhythm of civilian life. Shepard had _missed_ it so much. Her job was the best thing in her life. It gave her something to live for, it gave her something to do.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Shepard was no stranger to the phrase. The nightmares were relentless. It wasn't to a pointer where Shepard was screaming but rather a deep-seated sense of dread in her stomach. It manifested in a way Shepard thought she could manage.

"You should see someone Shepard," Emily said, looking at Shepherd with worried eyes. After shadowing Emily for Shepard's first gig, the pair had been set as partners. The younger woman was a delight and they had become fast friends. Jobs that required combat made Emily shine. She was graceful and lethal. There was no opponent she couldn't face with confidence. Emily was something else.

"I don't know. I want to deal with it myself. Seeking out help makes me feel weak," Shepard shocked herself with the confession. Shepard wasn't open by any means, but Emily coaxed it out of her. But the younger woman made no show of anger or pity. Instead, she reached out to Shepard, placing her hand on the soldier’s shoulder. Shepard didn't flinch.

"Don't try to be the hero, you need to take care of yourself. You're the most important person to yourself," Shepard felt like crying. Emily started rubbing circles against Shepard's uniform with her thumb.

" _I'm scared,_ " Shepard's voice sounded weak. She hated this, but Emily only pulled the older woman into a hug. Shepard broke, sobs wracking her body. Emily only squeezed harder and ran her fingers through Shepard's hair.

So much had happened, there was so much Shepard needed to heal from. The Alliance, Kaiden, Garrus. The list seemed almost never ending. She wanted peace. Here, in Emily's arms, it felt like the safest thing in the world.

Shepard soon got herself pulled back together. It had felt good to cry. She felt lighter than she had in months.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Emily's voice was soft. Shepard wanted to, but she didn't.

"It's a lot I don't want to burden you with it," Shepard felt so small and so weak. She _wanted_ to open up, she _wanted_ Emily to know. There was so much she wanted to get off her chest.

"I don't mind. I'm offering Shepard. I'm here for you. You're my partner in crime," Shepard let out a small laugh and it and Emily returned it.

"It's a very long story too," Shepard was stalling. It was scary to open up to someone. But Emily had been a good friend. Somehow, after only six months, Shepard found herself _trusting_ Emily. "I don't know if at work on the clock is the best time for this."

"Do you want to come home with me?"

Shepard only nodded.

 

**

 

It was weird, being in Emily's apartment. Their friendship had stayed at work. Now it felt like a line was being crossed and it was nothing but uncharted territory from here.

Emily had motioned for Shepard to make herself comfy on the couch while she went to go make tea. The cushions were soft and for a moment all Shepard wanted to do was sleep. Everything was exhausting, and nap sounded like heaven.

"I hope this is alright. Lavender and honey has been my favorite tea combination for years," Emily mused. Shepard reached out to take the mug from her. It was hot around her hands but not painful. It was grounding, pulling her from her gray clouds and back to Earth.

Emily sat with her legs crossed, both hands cupping the mug. Her nails had a soft pink painted across them. Shepard wondered how long ago.

"Thank you," Shepard murmured, pulling her attention to the mug. She stared at the liquid inside as though it would give her the answers she desired.

"Just start where you are comfortable. I'm not going to push you. We can sit here all night like this if it helps," Emily's voice soft and Shepard felt safe. It was quite the feeling. She didn't know how to feel.

"There's so much to tell. My life has been a mess. I came here with nothing left, not even my dignity. I was given money in exchange for my silence. I feel a bit guilty not talking about it, but I'm tired. I don't want to fight anymore," Shepard felt achy but finally starting to talk felt **good.** Emily didn't speak, waiting for Shepard to continue.

"The Alliance was behind everything. It was amazing, all the different things they pulled off. Corruption has roots in almost everything now-a-days. I haven't just killed enemies. I killed my fiancé. Although, he would've killed me if I hadn't gotten him. I was forced into a myriad of positions. I wanted to fight for my rights as

a human, I wanted to give us freedom. There is this terrible rift here at home and across our galaxy. There shouldn't be so much hate and war. No one needs to die for this nonsense.

There was a secret sector of the Alliance. Operation Freedom they called it. It was all very hush hush. They saw that there was a lot of good coming out of the resistance that had been bubbling up. So, as expected, they sunk their talons into it.

A lot of us were hesitant, but the weapons and support were much needed. The power that the Alliance gave us was the biggest boost for us and pushed everything forward. I was a commander. I was a powerful part of our force. And I was sold like a good. They told me it was for a token of peace, but I don't believe it anymore. The Alliance didn't want to deal with the mess of an international war. It was messy and too much uncertainty in the whole ordeal."

Shepard took a moment to sort out the jumble in her head. She took a sip from the tea and felt ten times better. "This is amazing. Thank you, Emily."

"You're very welcome. Can I put my hand on your knee? I realize I failed to ask last time when I hugged you and I apologize," the words dazed Shepard. She was being _asked_ if it was ok. Garrus had done the same but hearing it now, it felt like the best thing.

"Yes. Thank you for asking," Emily only smiled and put her hand on Shepard's knee. It felt comforting, even more so when she started tracing circles against Shepard's kneecap with her thumb.

Shepard was safe. Emily cared about her. Emily hadn't run. _Emily hadn't yelled._

**_Shepard was safe_ ** _._

"It only gets worse from here. It was, a lot. They had me married off to a royal prince and an ex. solider. I never learned what his ranking had been. He was a real piece of fucking work. The people behind it were even worse. They also worked for the Alliance. That was probably the most devastating part of it all. I was essentially kidnapped without realizing it. I wasn't really given a choice to fight. I sometimes wish I'd let them kill me. My mothers always told me I was a fighter. They weren’t wrong.

My old boss, he came in too late. It was a miserable mess. I don't remember much about that part. From what I can recall Udina pulled more strings and I was handed off to a turian."

Emily sucked air through her teeth and gripped harder onto her mug. Shepard was inclined to agree. For the most part.

"Hackett, my boss and one of the greatest men I've had the pleasure of meeting. Or had been. He tried so hard. I am still upset with him though. I _know_ he had more power. They all failed me. But out of the whole rotten bunch, he'd been the best. It's not a whole lot with the bar set so low though.

Over the course of nearly I year I was drugged. The effects were so slow I didn't even realize it until later. Kaiden, my ex fiancé, was in on it. And that guy had enough mood swings to give me whiplash twenty times over. He felt _entitled_ to me. He was as abusive as humans get. In our final standoff he pulled a gun on me.

I was finally coming out of the cloud but Udina, the mastermind of this bullshit. Oh boy he got his hands back on me and I was twenty steps back. I killed Kaiden with my own two hands. I choked him out and it was one of the most satisfying things I've ever done. A rapist, a liar, a cheater, an abuser. He deserved what I gave him. I was never charged with the murder. My punishment was another enslavement."

Shepard took another sip of the tea and blinked back tears. There was so goddamn much to talk about. It was _liberating_ to talk about it. It was like everything was being lifted from her shoulders.

"It was all pretty much set. I was handed off to a turian and beat into submission again. I did get away from that bastard though. I lived on the Citadel as the lowest of the low. No one noticed me, no one cared.

Then I got corned in an alley but three turians. One of them was more miserable than the one I was handed off too. But there was one who...saved me. I didn't expect it in the slightest. You know how all the propaganda with the turians goes. I... he took care of me. He was a good turian. I didn't know that even existed. He protected me, he fed me, he taught me his language. He became my friend it was...a very interesting experience.

It's difficult to explain. I'm honestly not certain if it was Stockholm Syndrome or actual friendship. But it was what kept me sane during that time. He didn't turn me over to the government until necessary. I don't know if it was the greatest, but I was scared. I didn't want to end up in another situation where I had no freedom. He gave me freedom and he gave me choices."

"What was his name?" Emily's voice sounded interested. She didn't sound upset or disgusted. Her heart stopped feeling like it had a vice around it.

"Garrus," Shepard took a gulp of her drink and sighed. "I think if I met him again I would be friends with him. But instead of a forced relationship, we could meet as equals. I mean, he treated me as an equal but it's different."

"Did you ever feel more for him?" The question made Shepard hesitate. Did she admit more? Emily did sound interested. They'd gotten this far without incident.

"We did end up sleeping together. It was very different. I was all with my consent and on my terms. It was...refreshing. I'm hesitant toward calling it Stockholm Syndrome because it felt genuine. But again, isn't that the gist of Stockholm Syndrome?"

"I'm uncertain. I hope you get a chance to meet him again," Emily squeezed Shepard's leg and smiled at her. Shepard took another drink of the tea and nodded.

"Me too. But it won't. We're worlds apart in more than one way. It is best for me to heal and move on with my life."

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Can I give you a hug?"

Shepard answered by pulling Emily into a tight embrace. The other woman returned the hug in earnest.

 

**

 

What was her feelings for Emily? Nothing had changed after their heart to heart. Except Shepard felt closer to the younger woman. She found herself yearning for the company again. Was Shepard ready for a relationship? Did she even _want_ one?

Her hand went to the necklace. Emily had never asked, and Shepard was appreciative. Maybe it was for the best she moved on. She was sure Garrus wouldn’t want her dwelling on what they had forever. It couldn’t happen again. Shepard couldn’t imagine a situation where she would get to see the turian.

The thought made her heart ache. She did miss him. In a very genuine way. It was over half a year since the situation had sent her back to Earth. She wanted him. She let herself get close. With Emily it could be different. She wasn’t an alien from another solar system. She was Shepard’s gorgeous colleague and friend.

Shepard ran her hands down her face and sighed. She didn’t want to get out of bed. It was her weekend and there was a lull in work. She didn’t want to do anything.

Her omni tool beeped, a message from Emily. Shepard wouldn’t admit that she had a set a personalized notification sound for the woman. 

“Do you want to spar together?”

She felt her face flush as she read the message. Emily and Shepard hadn’t hung out outside of work since their heart-to-heart. But Shepard _wanted_ to. She found Emily a joy to be around.

“Sounds good. Where?” Shepard responded after a few minutes of internal debate. Emily immediately replied with a location just a short walk from Shepard’s place. The older woman’s heart beat rapidly in her chest as she got ready. Sweat pants, a sports bra, and a grey tank top, running shoes, and she was good. Shepard pulled her hair up into a bun and headed toward the gym.

There were no real reasons to maybe finding another partner. Garrus was now nothing more than a memory. Emily was real, and Shepard was quite enamored. But how did Emily feel? Shepard hoped it was mutual.

She was at the gym before no time. She stepped into the building and spotted Emily almost immediately. She was stretching, warming up for their spar. Shepard called out a hello and walked over. Emily looked up and beamed at Shepard.

The younger woman was wearing a sports bra, sweats, and sneakers. Her short hair framed her face like a halo. She was soft looking, the muscles in her stomach covered by a bit of extra fat. Her arm muscles were defined. Emily looked _radiant_. Shepard fought the blush that threated to take over face.

“I’m excited to see how you take someone in combat. I’ve been wondering if you can take them out with more than your good looks,” Shepard teased. She hesitated, realizing what she said. Emily only laughed though.

“Oh, I will definitely show you. I’m pretty good hand to hand. Better watch out Shep,” there was a mischievous glint in her eye. Shepard stepped onto the matt and stood opposite Emily.

This was going to be fun.

The match started slow, the women circling each other. Sparring matches always started slow as you took stock of your opponent. It didn’t help that Shepard was slightly distracted by how beautiful Emily was. Shepard felt like a schoolgirl again. It wasn’t fair.

Emily took the first move, striking out. Shepard moved to block, and Emily feigned and struck Shepard on her shoulder.  The younger woman leapt back, and Shepard rolled her shoulder. Emily was quick on her feet and had left a sting on Shepard’s arm. She was strong. No surprise.

Shepard took the next move, managing to step behind Emily. She took a shot at her shoulder blade, but Emily spun, absorbing the blow with her forearm. Shepard was amazing at the speed this woman possessed. Emily had a wicked grin on her face. Shepard didn’t hesitate. She opted to take shots quickly, one after another. Emily did her best, but the last blow hit her in the gut. Emily doubled over, letting out a wheezy breath.

“Oh shit, are you ok?” Shepard moved forward in Emily’s space, worried she had hurt the woman. Then, quick as lightning the girl moved and swept her leg behind Shepard’s knees and toppled the older woman. Shepard reached out in a desperate attempt to stop her fall, her hand instead grabbed Emily’s wrist. The two women fell, Shepard hitting the matt and Emily managing to catch herself with her hands.

“Not fair!” Shepard whined, laughing. Emily only grinned.

“All is fair in love and war, Shep,” she retorted, that playful glint twinkling in her eye. The two women lay there, panting as they tried to catch their breath.

It hit Shepard like a freight train. Emily was _right there_ , leaning over Shepard, flushed from the exertion of their spar. She was so close Shepard could almost just reach out and touch her.

And she did exactly that. Without thinking Shepard reached up and tucked Emily’s hair behind her ear. Emily sucked in a breath and Shepard winced. Fuck fuck fuck. Was this it? Had Shepard ruined this?

Instead of getting upset, Emily leaned down and pressed her lips to Shepard’s. She was stunned, this was happening. Emily tasted of honey and was warm and soft. Shepard had missed this. Garrus…

No, she shoved him out of her mind and kissed Emily back greedily. The younger woman was warm and soft and sweet. Shepard couldn’t get enough. The kiss broke after a few moments as the woman tried to catch their breath.

“Maybe we should take this…somewhere private,” Emily suggest, laughing softly. They had both forgotten they were in public. Shepard leaned her head to the side and saw a few people gawking at them. Shepard turned an even brighter shade of red.

“I would love that,” Shepard untangled her fingers from Emily’s hair and laughed. Emily stole a small kiss before pushing up onto her feet.

 

**

Sure, there was still a small part of Shepard that missed Garrus. What they had shared was unique and something that Shepard would remember fondly for many years. But now, laying next to Emily, things felt good.

Before Shepard knew it, the two-year anniversary of her freedom had come. _Two years_. Emily and Shepard had been together almost a year. Things were amazing. It almost felt like nothing could go wrong.

The road to recovery was rough but it was expected. Shepard was happy to finally able to try to move on and make something out of her life.

Emily stirred next to Shepard, her arms reaching out to pull Shepard closer. The older woman complied and pulled her girlfriend close to her body.

“Good morning,” she murmured, kissing Emily’s forehead. Emily made a small noise and buried her face in Shepard’s neck. Everything was warm and good. There was a sense of peace and completion in this movement. Shepard didn’t want to leave. She wanted to live in this moment for the rest of her life.

 Moving on had been quite the thing. It was difficult to move on from someone who saved you. And Garrus had in fact saved her life in a way. Emily stirred next to Shepard, pulling her from her thoughts. Emily looked beautiful in the morning light. But if you asked Shepard, she would tell you her girlfriend was always beautiful.

Emily stretched next to her, wiggling away from Shepard to get the sleep out of her joints. She gave a small yawn and a smile to Shepard.

“Did I wake you?”

“Even if you did, you’re the best thing to wake up to,” Emily gave her girlfriend a coy grin.

“I could say the same for you,” Shepard pulled her in and kissed her softly. Emily returned the kiss with double the passion. Their morning breath didn’t mean anything as Shepard deepened the kiss. Emily grinned and nipped at Shepard’s bottom lip. Shepard let out a gasp and Emily took that moment to lick Shepard’s bottom lip.

Oh, how Shepard cherished her. The younger girl swung her leg over Shepard’s hip and straddled her. Emily was breathtaking as ever. The morning light cast a soft light across Emily’s bare skin. It shown through her hair like a halo and painted across her face.

“You are so gorgeous,” Shepard murmured. The feel of Emily’s bare skin against hers was electric and Shepard _needed_ her.

“I could say the same for you my dear,” Emily gave a wicked grin. She leaned down, pinning Shepard’s wrists to the bed. Shepard sucked in a breath and bucked her hips. Emily kissed Shepard greedily, her tongue pressing against Shepard’s lips. Shepard opened her mouth and met Emily’s tongue with hers. She felt alight with pleasure and ground up against her girlfriend.

Emily broke the kiss and beamed down at the older woman. Shepard grinned back and leaned up to give Emily a quick peck. The younger woman started kissing down Shepard’s jaw, nipping softly as she went. Shepard whimpered and writhed under her. She wanted more, she needed more. She felt like she was burning under the touch of her lover.

“Just thought maybe you could use an early morning pick me up,” Emily mused, biting at Shepard’s shoulder. Shepard gasped and bucked her hips up. “And it looks very much like you want one.”

“Yes, please, yes please goddamn,” Shepard whined. Emily laughed.

“As you wish. Since you said please,” Emily moved so she was between Shepard’s legs. She had to lay on her stomach somewhat so both women were comfortable.

“How’re you doing my dear?” Emily asked as she pressed a kiss to the inside of the other woman’s thigh.

“Very, very good. Enjoying the view quite a lot,” Shepard said, having pushed herself up so she was resting on her elbows. Emily grinned up at her girlfriend and Shepard gave her own smile.

“Good to hear, what’re you feeling this morning?”

“I uh…hmm,” Shepard did like that Emily checked in often. But it was sometimes overwhelming to do. It still felt embarrassing to say aloud. “No fingers please.”

“Sounds good to me,” Emily peppered the inside of Shepard’s thigh with kisses. Shepard desperately wanted to reach a hand down to pull Emily’s hair. To do that she had to sacrifice the view of her girlfriend between her legs. The choice came to the view. It was always a wonderful sight in the early morning sunlight.

Emily left a trail of kisses on the inside of Shepard’s thigh before moving to her cunt. Shepard gasped and bucked her hips up. Emily grinned as she kissed up to Shepard’s clit. It was devilish how good Emily was at this and Shepard loved it.

The younger girl yanked Shepard by the thighs so Emily was kneeling on the floor. Her hands held Shepard by the hips, holding her so Shepard couldn’t squirm away. Shepard whined at the loss, but it was quickly replaced with a moan. Emily squeezed Shepard’s thighs and lapped at her clit.

Shepard fell back, opting to take Emily’s hair in her hands. Emily had deadly aim and it almost felt too overwhelming. Shepard moved her legs to wrap her legs around Emily’s neck, pushing up into her mouth. Emily grinned and sucked, her teeth gently grazing the other woman. Shepard felt herself falling apart.

“Ah, ah Em,” Shepard pulled on Emily’s hair and squirmed under her. Emily only hummed and squeezed her girlfriend harder.

Shepard gave a small shout as she orgasms. It was certainly one way to get yourself awake for the morning. Emily crawled up next to Shepard, kissing her cheek. Shepard laughed and gave Emily a small peck.

“Lemme take care of you,” Shepard mumbled, peppering kisses to Emily’s face.

“Not this morning, Shep,” Emily kissed Shepard’s forehead. “But you could make me breakfast.”

“Alright, what sounds good?”

“Mmm, how about pancakes?”

“Sounds good,” Shepard kissed Emily’s face and grinned.

Emily stretched then hopped off Shepard’s lap. Shepard laid there for a second, letting the morning sun warm her. She felt so good, things were good. It was nice to move on with her life. This was a moment that she wanted to live in forever.

“Hey Shep!” Emily called out, her voice laced with worry. Shepard bolted up, her stomach dropping. “You better come out here.”

Shepard didn’t bother putting on any clothes. She jumped out of bed and nearly sprinted to the living room. Emily was staring at the TV and Shepard felt her blood freeze. There was everything she had lived through on the screen.

It hadn’t been just her.

“Hey, Shep,” Emily stepped closer, her voice soft. Shepard jumped slightly, her heart hammering in her chest. She softened, accepting the blanket Emily was holding out. “Let’s sit down at least. I’ll order food ok?”

Shepard only nodded, she couldn’t trust her voice. She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and took an uneven breath.

“I’m going to touch you, ok?” Emily asked, her voice sounding far away. Shepard only nodded. Emily’s hands gently held Shepard’s arms. Shepard felt so fuzzy. Everything was so far away. The older woman was guided down to the couch and Shepard buckled into the couch.

 They were starting to talk about individuals who had come forward. The names and stories were nauseating. There had been others that had been through this. Some had even lost their lives for a coverup.

Her name had come up.

She hadn’t even told anyone except Emily.

Except Emily.

Shepard shook that thought out of her head. There were so many people that would want to ruin her. Emily would be the last person to do that to her.

But now she was a face on the news. She didn’t know how to feel about this. It was so overwhelming. She didn’t want this, she wanted to move on. There wasn’t anything she wanted from the military again.

“This is going to be an intergalactic issue. There needs to be a change. The council has already picked up an appeal to outlaw enslavement of humans. It’s a huge step forward for humanity and perhaps even a step toward better intergalactic relations. We will now have the council join us today for an interview about this issue.”

Shepard closed her eyes and took a deep breath through her nostrils. Emily squeezed the older woman’s arm, trying to soothe the ex-solider.

“What does this mean?” Shepard asked, feeling helpless.

“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” Emily started tracing circles against Shepard’s skin with her thumb. “There doesn’t have to be anything done about this.”

“But what if they contact me?”

“Who?”

Shepard paused. Who would even reach out? What would anyone want? All the information they needed was up on the screen.

“I’m not sure,” Shepard’s voice was barely more than a whisper. There was so much unknown. Emily leaned in and rested her head against Shepard’s shoulder. The news broadcast marched on, paying no heed to their violation of Shepard’s privacy. “I’m really not sure.”

“Maybe it will blow over. There’s so many people on this list,” Emily kissed Shepard’s shoulder.

The news cast cut to a split screen, with the Citadel Council on one side. It was weird, seeing these alien faces here from home. The turian councilor looked particularly uncomfortable.

_You better be uncomfortable you fuck._

“Councilor Sparatus, you are the speaker for turians here on the council. What are your plans to mend this issue moving forward?” The human newscaster seemed like she was barely containing her disgust. The turian showed no expression in any way.

“Under the light of these circumstances, we are moving to illegalize the ownership and capture of humans,” his voice was calculated and sharp. Shepard winced involuntarily. Emily squeezed her arm as a show of support.

“And what will be the punishment of those who currently own and previously owned humans?” At this the turian flared his mandibles. He was more than likely agitated or insulted. Shepard wasn’t sure which one. The human broadcaster looked startled for a second before regaining her composure. This was probably this woman’s first time talking directly to a turian. It was certainly an overwhelming thing to deal with.

“Punishment?”

“Yes, the action of holding and owning another sentient lifeform is immoral to say the least. Am I wrong Councilor?” The whole council looked uncomfortable in that moment. The tension was palpable before the asari councilor broke the silence.

“Currently Councilor   does not have anything in mind. But we assure you there will in fact be a punishment for all previous known offenders. In light of such an immoral act it is only fair to face charges.”

“I agree with Councilor T'vefi. This is not just Councilor Sparatus’ responsibility. This is an issue the entire council will be involved in.”

“Councilors T’vefi and Daelorne, did you have any previous knowledge of this issue before it was brought to light?” The salarian and asari exchanged a brief look at each other. The turian councilor looked as though he had tasted something sour. As much as a turian can emulate facial expressions of course.

“I regret to admit that yes, as a council we did have knowledge about this.” The asari councilor spoke up first. The salarian looked defeated, his eyes cast down to the floor.

_Damn right you should be ashamed_. Shepard grimaced and Emily hugged the older woman’s arm.

“And you did nothing to intervene?”

“No.”

“Why not? This is obviously moral issue that should’ve been stopped. Is it not immoral to uncontestably detain another sentient lifeform?”

“Yes, it is. We saw it as not our place to intervene. It was a matter of ethics for the turians, not us.”

“But why not? You are the sum of the governing body of the galaxy. Is it not your place to strike down and punish immoral actions? Would you have stopped this if it was an asari, a quarian?”

The council hesitated. The asari pursed her lips and looked somewhere off to the right.

“It would be our right to decide and ours alone,” Councilor Sparatus interjected.

“No, no it wouldn’t be,” Councilor Daelorne cut in. He cast a harsh look to the turian. “You are correct, Ms. Lukins. It would be a decision between all three of us. We allowed our ignorance and misunderstanding of your race to stand between us and the correct choice in this matter. There are no excuses for what has transpired. we will see fit to cast proper punishment of all offenders.

As for humanity, there will be discussions involving your place with all other non-council races. I assure you there we be serious discussions regarding this. We will find a place for you in the Citadel.”  


“At least the turians will have to speak for their actions,” Emily murmured as the news channel switched to other news. Shepard felt her heart hammering in her chest. _Garrus_.

“And Garrus will have to face this mess too,” her voice was barely more than a whisper. Emily stiffened next to her.

“What do you mean?”

“He is on the record for having turned me in. There will be questioning on his part. He will more than likely accused of unethical treatment of me,” Shepard’s stomach dropped. She wouldn’t be able to protect the turian that had saved her.

“I see,” both women fell silent. “Would you choose him over me?”

Shepard looked to Emily, surprised by the question. Emily looked like she was staring at something ten million light years away.

“What do you mean?”

“If you two met would you choose him? I know you still have feelings for him. You said so yourself,” Emily sounded like she was on the verge of crying.

“I,” Shepard stopped. Would she? “I don’t know.”

Shepard felt like she should be able to make a snap decision. She should be able to say it was Emily without hesitation. Something lingered in her chest. Garrus felt like something she couldn’t shake.

 

**

 

Things were tense with Emily for the next week. Shepard ached to hold her and comfort her.

_Would you choose him over me?_

The question haunted Shepard. She wanted to say she wouldn’t. There was nothing more important than Emily. But there had been an odd dynamic between Shepard and Garrus. A lot of feelings and unresolved tension. Emily took to staying at her own place.

“I just need space, Shep. We will talk about this. But it’s a lot right now,” Emily had tears in her eyes. Shepard had to stop herself from reaching out and wiping them away.

“I understand. I’m sorry,” Shepard didn’t know what she could say. Nothing could comfort Emily and she knew that. This was a situation she never had to deal with.

“Don’t be. You were honest with me and I appreciate that,” Emily hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to do next. She sniffled and wiped away her tears. The younger woman stepped forward and embraced Shepard in a hug. Shepard didn’t hesitate to hug her girlfriend back.

But the apartment felt lonely without Emily. It had only been two days since they last talked but Shepard had never felt emptier.

But she loved Emily, dearly and truly. Shepard would give her, her space.

Lieutenant gave her a call that afternoon. Shepard had been ready to open a bottle of brandy and wallow for the day.

“Hello, this is Shepard speaking,” she had to keep her voice from cracking.

“Hey Shepard! I have some good news. I want you to come down to my office as soon as you can,” Lieutenant sounded absolutely over the moon. Shepard hesitated. What could Lieutenant want? What did _good news_ mean?

“I will be there in about an hour,” Shepard needed to know. It was better than spending the day in her bed. She slipped on her nicest jeans and a clean button up shirt. A little bit of mascara and blush made her look a little more alive.

 

Lieutenant was early waiting Shepard when she arrived twenty minutes early. The woman walked straight to Shepard and embraced her in a crushing hug.

“Shepard! I have so much great news. I had seen you in the news and I really didn’t want to reach out to comfort you. I was sure you wanted space. But I have great news from the Citadel,” Shepard coughed as her boss freed her from the hug.

“The Citadel?” What could the Citadel want from her?

“Yes! They didn’t really explain but they want to give you a spot in the Citadel Security. All moving expenses and living expenses on them,” Shepard blinked.

“What do you mean?” Shepard was dumbfounded.

“If you accept, you’ll be transferred to the Citadel next week. They really want you Shepard. Said you were a damn hero!” Lieutenant slapped Shepard on the back, making the ex-solider stumble.

“A hero?” Shepard mumbled. “Do I really have a choice?”

Lieutenant frowned. “I don’t understand why you would want to turn this down. But you do have the choice to say no.”

_Would you choose him over me?_

Shepard had to make the choice she didn’t want to make. She would’ve had to trek to the Citadel to stand for Garrus. But there was also a risk that her trip would be in vain. Garrus may not get a choice in the matter.

_Would you choose him over me_?

“I’ll take the offer.”

 

**

“I’m not following you to the Citadel,” Emily’s eyes were red from crying. Shepard had hot tears running down her face still.

“I know. I’m still sorry. I’m going to miss you so much,” Shepard extended her hand, palm up, to Emily. The younger woman grabbed it with both hands and sniffled.

“Don’t be. This is an amazing opportunity for you. Even if you were with him or not. It’s a groundbreaking thing for you to be part of _the_ Citadel Security. Although I don’t know much about it, I imagine you’re going to be one of the first humans. That’s _incredible,”_ Emily smiled softly up at Shepard. “I can’t leave Earth. There’s so much here for me. I love my job. I have family here. I do not want to sacrifice that.”

“I understand that,” Shepard leaned forward and kissed Emily’s forehead. Emily leaned in and embraced Shepard.

“I love you. I’ll miss you so much,” Shepard felt tears drip down onto her shoulder.

“I love you too. I’m going to miss you more than I could express,” Shepard reached around to hug Emily back. She ran her finger’s through the younger woman’s hair and pressed her cheek to her forehead.

 

**

 

The breakup left her heartbroken. The trip made her excited. She had to admit this was unbelievably exciting. It was exhausting though. Her body felt heavy and she had a hard time sleeping. Emily wanted to move on and politely requested Shepard not reach out to her. That was the hardest part. Shepard wanted to share news and details. She wanted Emily to be part of this. Part of her had hoped Emily would agree. Shepard wanted Emily to be in her life. She was part of her new life.

But despite everything else, the Citadel was far away. Emily had family on Earth, a good job, a nice place. At least the breakup had been amical as possible.

Shepard visited her parents again the morning of the trip.

“I’m leaving. I got a job at the Citadel. I had to sacrifice Emily. It hurts not having her with me. I wanted her to be part of this. I know you would be proud of me. I’m going to be a part of history. It may just end up being me alone on the Citadel. I can hope Garrus will be there. At least as a friend. But that’s doubtful at best.”

Shepard traced the headstone with her index finger. The stone was cool to the touch.

“I wish you could’ve been part of this. I could’ve afforded to take you with me. It would’ve been so wonderful. So much has happened in the past year alone. Your company would’ve meant the world to me. But sometimes life is a series of sacrifices. The only choice is the break under the weight of it. Or you find the best in it.”

Shepard knelt and wrapped her arms around the headstone. She knew in her heart that her mothers were cheering her on. They _would_ be proud of her.

******

It was interesting to step onto a ship of her own accord. This was her choice and her choice alone. But this time, she was respected. Everyone on the ship was kind. The ship’s pilot became a fast friend. Joker was a very unique person. He was the example Shepard needed. Despite the issues with his bones he stood strong. Joker was also the best damn pilot Shepard had ever met.

“It’s really incredible. I’m so glad that we’re finally getting the respect we deserve. You truly are a hero Shepard. At least to me.”

 

The words carried Shepard through the next month. C-sec was an easy adjustment. The work was menial but vital. Her new apartment was cozy and pre-furnished. It was much more put together than Shepard’s last apartment.

Once everything was settled, Shepard sought out Garrus. She had the resources needed to figure out what trials were going on. Garrus’ trial had made it to the council. They would hear his plea next month. There were no details for the trial. Since it was going to the highest sect of government, C-sec didn’t have any word in it. They were only requested to give more security.

Shepard didn’t need a real meeting to get a say in the trial. She went to her boss, a very kind and respectable turian, and explained her situation. He was more than happy to help her out.

“Glad to hear about Vakarian. I was surprised to hear he was involved in this mess. He was with me in boot camp. We went separate ways after graduation, but he was a good friend.”

Everything had gone by so quickly. Work had kept her more than busy. She adjusted before she even realized it. Things weren’t so bad now. Shepard sought out help of a therapist per her boss’ recommendation.

Shepard really appreciated him.

 

**

 

The day of the trial came up too fast. Shepard did her best to keep her calm. It was overwhelming, but she was standing for a friend. For a friend that saved her life. Shepard’s honor did not allow for him to be thrown to the wolves because of her.

But it still had been over two years since they last saw each other. The time had gone by so fast. Shepard had almost forgotten how long things had been. Two solid years on Earth.

When Shepard stepped into the court room, Garrus looked visibly shocked. Shepard gave him a small smile. She was dressed in her most formal outfit: her dress blues. It felt good to wear them despite being retired. It gave her an air of authority.

Garrus did not say anything, only tracked her movement as she strode to the front on the room.

“Thank you, Shepard for joining us today. I am curious to what you have to say in favor of Commander Vakarian,” Councilor Sparatus was unreadable.

“Yes, we thank you for taking your time to speak in favor of Commander Vakarian. Please stand to the side while the proceeding is underway,” Councilor T’vefi gave Shepard a curt smile. Shepard did her best to return it. She hoped it didn’t look like she was grimacing.

The turnout was several turians. Shepard assumed they were all shipmates. Nihlus was there was well. He nodded to her. Shepard didn’t hesitate to bee line to him. He was a familiar face. It was what Shepard needed.

“Commander Vakarian, you are being charged for immoral imprisonment, torture, rape, and unethical conduct. You are claiming innocence of all these charges,” Councilor Sparatus stared him down. Garrus did not react in the slightest.

“I am as I am entirely innocent of all these claims. What happened according to Saren was entirely incorrect. I have always been against this kind of treatment to anyone. Jane Shepard being a human did not change my stance at all. I was her friend in a time of need. We encountered each other in an alley. Saren had pointed her out. In this case he was the aggressor and neither me nor Nihlus wanted to hurt her.

Shepard shot out of self-defense and wounded Pallin. I went to tend to Pallins’ injury while Saren corned her. I made a split-second decision to help my friend. His injuries were severe, but he made a full recovery. Saren knocked Shepard unconscious and took off with her.

I tracked down Saren after Pallin was taken care of. I found him with Shepard. He answered the door naked and made several remarks indicated he had raped her. I took Shepard back to my ship as I saw it fit to make sure her injuries got taken care of as well. Once I heard word that the council needed her I brought her to you.”

“And you did not immediately bring this to the council’s attention. Why?”

“She showed signs of fear. From what I later understood she was wanted by her military. I could understand the fear of not wanting to go back. Especially when you have someone protecting you from that. She stayed of her own accord.”

The council paused. The tension in the air was palpable.

“Lieutenant Laelin, step forward,” a turian with red markings and a white face stepped forward. He looked remarkably uncomfortable. “What did you witness upon Vakarian’s arrival to the ship?”

“He carried a human covered in bruises and barely wrapped in a sheet. Vakarian looked proud but also strained. He did not stop to talk to us, took the human straight to his quarters. I later pushed for details. He declined to talk about it. I saw nothing else and I didn’t see the human again.”

“Very well. Lieutenant Ignatis, step forward.”

Another nervous looking turian stepped up. She looked wary, like she hadn’t seen sleep for weeks.

“What did you witness upon Vakarian’s arrival to the ship?”

“The same as Lieutenant Laelin. I did not press for further details though.”

“And nothing else?”

“No sir. I didn’t see the human after that. Garrus seemed to pretend nothing had happened.”

“Thank you. Does either Lieutenant Elvosis or Lieutenant Candicus have different stories?”

 “No sir,” both turians said in unison.

“And Executive Officer Kyrik, did you witness anything different?”

“Yes.”

“Then please step forward and give your account.”

“Commander Vakarian is a long-time friend and an amazing commander. At first, I thought he was very much the offender. He later introduced me to Shepard. He treated her as an equal. I have no doubt that he is innocent of these accusations. I did not see much of Shepard more than a few times.”

 “Thank you. Jane Shepard, step forward and give your account of what happened.”

Shepard nodded. She felt as though her stomach was in knots.

 “I stand by what Nihlus said. Garrus saved my life. He took me in and he took care of me. I stayed with him of my own accord. As you know, there was the witnesses to support these claims. But Garrus sacrificed his image to protect me. Nothing is more noble than what he did for me. We communicated through gestures and a lot of patience. What he did was moral considering the laws placed and my situation. Garrus did something brave and should not be punished for it. He became my friend despite many barriers. He should be given a promotion for his ability to stick to the best moral option.”

The council was quiet for a moment. Shepard did not falter, her shoulders squared and her expression neutral.

“I see,” Spartacus started, his expression unreadable. “In that case, given your statement and Nihlus’, we shall drop the charges placed on Vakarian.”

Shepard could just barely contain her smile. There was a whoop of joy from Nihlus and he quickly hugged his long-time friend. Garrus let out a laugh and Shepard felt at ease for the first time in months.

 

“I cannot thank you enough Jane,” Garrus had taken her aside after the decision. Shepard grinned ear to ear. She had really missed him and how her name sounded.

“It was the least I could do given how close we were,” Shepard stepped forward, not hesitating to wrap him in a hug. “And I would like to propose we try being together, a couple, officially.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there's any errors. I was very excited to finally get this out for you guys! I will be doing another proof reading later but wanted to show off what is going on! Hopefully this didn't feel too much like a filling chapter. I wanted to dedicate this and the next chapter to filling out Shepard and Garrus' characters before moving on to the finale. I felt it important to discuss all of this since they spent three years apart. Lots of stuff and growth happens in that time. I hope you enjoyed and look forward to Garrus' chapter.


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